Wild - Two More Times...

In The Minnesota Independent.

and in

the Twin Cities Daily Planet

Nothing all that groundbreaking, again, there you go.

Press!

I'm quoted in this Star Tribune article about the housing crisis

Not the kind of press I was always gunning for 10-15 years ago, but I’m inching ever-closer towards my mid-life dream of being considered an “expert” in something, for God’s sake.

For anyone who doesn’t want to read through the depressing, if impressively thorough and nuanced article:

…In addition, "heroic work" by the Minnesota Home Ownership Center's counseling network is helping keep the numbers down, said HousingLink research manager Dan Hylton. That said, he added, there is no easy end in sight to the wave of foreclosures, which could even get worse.
"The general sense is that we're in a small lull between waves -- and that the next wave is going to be worse, simply because it is based on the economy, rather than subprime loans/questionable choices/questionable business practices," he said….

Initial Thoughts as the Funeral Approaches

My father was a man I both admired and was fascinated by. I was born when he was 41 years old, and so missed the first half of his life - with various paths that led him to achieve a level of notoriety in semipro baseball, get drafted into the Korean War, and pursue a career (with family in tow) that took him across the sea to reside for a few years in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia and Lahore, Pakistan.

By the time I came along, the family had settled in the smallish midwestern town of Waterloo, IA, where he served for 24 years as an elementary school principal. That second stage of his life, where he touched thousands of young lives and commanded a respect that resulted in him being known as "Mr. Hylton" to all but his nuclear family, represented the man I knew as "dad." After retirement, he re-invented himself, transforming from the role of disciplinarian to jolly grandfather who exuded devotion and interest in his grandchildren with his every act.

I was always fascinated by that earlier, amazing time of his life, though, where he was seemingly bold, adventurous, and full of piss and vinegar; not the stolid and steady patriarch I knew in my youth. Fascinated to the extent that I actually recorded two 45 minute interviews with him for NPR's "National Day of Listening," about a year ago that are avabilable for download on the wold wide web. I am so glad now that I did this.

Coming from an avowed liberal peacenik this might seem odd, but I am very gratified and proud that dad will be buried with military honors, which includes a color guard, flag-draped coffin, taps, and, I believe, even a five-gun salute. He did not ask to be drafted into the service fresh out of high school, torn away from a budding baseball career and plans for college, and forced to move with his young wife and newborn daughter to a one-bedroom apartment just outside Fort Benning, GA. But he served wtih honor, and it was something that he appreciated more and more, the older he got. It's that part of the visitation/service/internment that will be hardest for me - the part with the formal military send-off; but something that's going to about the most likely piece of this experience to be able to push my psyche into processing it all a little bit. I'm certainly not there yet.

Details of My Dad's Passing

Thanks for offers of support so far. Below is the obituary that will be appearing in various papers, followed by a brief biography we "kids" wrote that will be appearing in a program at the visitation.


OBITUARY FOR: Jack Hylton
Age: 79
Address: 512 Olympic Dr., Waterloo, IA 50702
Died at: his home.
Day, Date of Death: Thursday, August 13, 2009
Date of Birth: December 15, 1929
Place of Birth: Dunlap, Kan.
Parents: Harvey and Pauline (Jenkins) Hylton
Marriage Info: married Lois Groom on May 20, 1951, in Council Grove, Kan.
Education: graduated from Council Grove High School in 1947 and received his BA and MA at Emporia State University in Emporia, Kan.
Occupation: educator for 41 years, including 24 years as a principal for the Waterloo Community School District. He was also a principal in Jidda, Saudi Arabia, for the Parents Cooperative School System of TWA and in Lahore, Pakistan.
Military: served in the United States Army for the Headquarters Division at Fort Benning, Ga.
Organizations: Member and former Board member at First United Methodist Church.
Activities: American Legion and semipro baseball in Kansas; coached and refereed multiple levels of adult and youth sports throughout Kansas.
Survivors: Wife: Lois Hylton, Waterloo, Iowa
Daughter: Laura (John) Allen, Marion, Iowa
Son: Lindon Hylton, Madras, Ore.
Son: Sean (Amy) Hylton, Cedar Falls, Iowa
Son: Dan (Sharon) Hylton, Minneapolis, Minn.
8 grandchildren: Neil & Natalie Allen, Marion, Iowa
Taylor & Jared Hylton, Cedar Falls, Iowa
Cody (Kiara) Hylton, Portland, Ore.
Zane Hylton, Corvalis, Ore.
Lucy & Rose Hylton, Minneapolis, Minn.
Sister: Jill (Eldon) Fitzgerald, Council Grove, Kan.
Preceded by: parents, and grandson Matthew John Allen
Services: 1:30 p.m., Tuesday, at First United Methodist Church in Waterloo
Burial: Memorial Park Cemetery
Visitation: 4-7 p.m. Monday, August 17, 2009, at Locke Funeral Home in Waterloo
Memorials: to the church or Cedar Valley Hospice
Condolences may be left at www.LockeFuneralHome.com


on the cover:
He put His arms around him and whispered "come with me"
on the inside:
God saw that he was getting tired
And a cure was not to be,
So He put His arms around him
and whispered "come with me."
With tearful eyes we watched,
Suffered and saw him fade away.
Although we loved him dearly
We could not make him stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
Hard working hands to rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us
He only takes the best.

bio for the back cover:
To the casual eye, Jack Hylton was a man molded to be a principal. A hard-working educator for 41 years -- including 24 at Waterloo schools named Kittrell, Whittier and Emerson -- it was in Jack's nature to obsess about about the small details and tiny souls that filled his hallways every school year. A hands-on principal who gave more than his share of hours to the job, Jack made elementary school a well-rounded experience -- academics, after-school basketball clinics, even pizza parties and ballgames for chair crews. His job started in Kansas and took him to far-away lands like Saudi Arabia and Pakistan, and walked hand-in-hand with his love of sports, coaching and refereeing. However, Jack's role as a principal wasn't his ultimate calling. Instead, Jack saved his best for the end of the day. A loving husband, dad and grandfather, Jack was a man who gave his true devotion to his family by serving as a perfect model for a life lived with love, integrity, accountability, compassion and faith.

Next Up, My Brain

I've made a living as a "my life is an open book" type of guy, so why stop now?

After years of lamentations on an aimless "career" path, and then subsequent entry into a nonprofit field at a job in my neighborhood (yada yada - you know the song & dance - I'm suddenly the luckiest guy in the world), you'd think everything was wrapped up in a nice little bow, huh?

Well...the fact of the matter is that I am fucked up.

I can dig down a lot deeper (and have, in many conversations with Sharon in recent months), but on the surface - this appear to be the case:

In my early 20s, I was an emotional rock. Not in the stoic sense, but in the "life rolled off my back" sense. I had no crappy jobs, no prospects, next to no money, and few cares in the world. Over the years (and this is probably no rare thing), as I added cares and burdens of one sort or another, my emotional and psychological state has gotten increasingly more fragile. Particularly, in the past couple of years, I have found that going from "here" (calm, everything's OK) to "there" (I'm losing it) is as simple as a minor setback, and that my highs (and though I can still have highs, and find enjoyment in life) are less high, and my lows lower and longer-lasting, often accompanied by a feeling of despair. My "resting place" is at a general level of mild malaise, and it is almost like a fixed point to which I am tethered, and unable to fully escape. Very, very un-Dan like, the way I think of most of you knowing Dan. I am not myself.

I had some dark, dark moments last mid-summer (like, curling up on the ground dark moments) but, for the most part, things have really been at another level since the layoff last spring. It's not hard to trace the series of factors that have likely contributed in recent times, since I have been subject to a very identifiable and continuing barrage of stresses. There was not having a job, obviously - for which I bore the brunt of stress on behalf of my four-person family. Then there was/is the stress of a new job with not a single day of relaxation between job-search and new-job modes (it has been suggested by Sharon that there is actually a clinical term for this condition, called "adjustment disorder"). And, of course, all along - the declining health of my father. Sharon has actually coined a somewhat less clinical term to encompass the breadth of these, and other, of life's stresses (kids, other obligations); referring to my "ambient stress level."

Whatever it is, and whatever it's called, it's real.

And the fanciful notion of the "Dan Day" (relaxing day biking about town, relaxing in the coffee shop, and taking care of myself) being a cure-all has long since passed. As a wise man once said, "I feel like butter, scraped over too much bread." But I need more than a holiday. And I'm actually going in for psychological counseling two weeks from today.

Some other thoughts and considerations related to this topic are a little touchy to go into in this forum (even for me!), but I'm happy to talk more by phone or whatnot, one on one.

The Deed Is Done

2009

Well, the deed is done. With a minimum amount of hassle, and a loan we expect to be able to pay off in full come tax time, we have -at home - a car that should give us a smooth, relatively worry-free ride for the next 10 years or so. It's got a 10-year warranty, anyway. A little research since the purchase has also bouyed my already-good feelings about this car. With this crazy "fuel economy package" that we threw in, it truly is the most fuel efficient non-hybrid currently in the compact field. AND, it somehow manages to have a lot more interior space (both trunk & passenger) than just about any of the other sedans. And then there's all the fun stuff.

Anyway - hope to cruise by and pick one of you jokers up for an iPod-shuffle-laden excursion sometime soon!

1996

Introducing: The Forte

Dudes: Looks like we’re gonna be buying this car. Probably this week.

What we really were looking for was the Holy Grail combo of fuel economy and space to fit a four person family comfortably, plus luggage. What the Forte (new for 2010) offers us is:

- Interior space & trunk space compared to any other sedan in the compact category: there’s no comparison.

- Gas mileage amazingly good for its size: up to 36 mpg with an optional "fuel economy package"

- Features (from 100k mile warranty to crazy things like electronic tire pressure detector and iPod jack) that are INSANE for the price.

My research has been fast and furious, but the bottom line, as I see it, is this: South Korean companies seem to have the formula for making great cars for less, in a way no other country seems to have mastered. And this car in particular (actually, a totally re-engineered “Spectra”) seems like one of a kind. It’s going to feel like we’re not driving a compact car, and not getting good gas mileage, even when we are.

For more information than you necessarily need to know, read below:
It’s gonna cost us in the low $17,000s before we get a $1000 discount for trading in a “competitor” (Saturn SW) and getting whatever trade-in value we can get for it ($695 even in “fair” condition, according to the Kia website). We’ll be plunking down $12,000 on the spot (most of my remaining severance), and financing the rest. My severance’s lump sum came to me at about 52% of gross, so hopefully we’ll be getting an enormous tax return next year and can just finish it off, then.

Like Stephen, I've always considered myself a person that simply hates cars, and wishes we didn't have to deal with the infernal machines at all. But - I am not immune to the notion of comfort; and this last trip down to Waterloo in one of our two crampy, un-airconditioned cars (both over 11 years old) was just about the last friggin' straw. Life is too short for putting up with that kind of crap, especially with a wad of cash uncharacteristically sitting there in my bank account.

For years, in many different ways and on many different levels, I've lamented not really being the beneficiary of many of life's little breaks. Brothers, things appear to have changed. Please, all, don't let me get cocky.

Update on my Dad

So - I may have given a positive report around Christmastime. My dad's health experienced a turn for the better when they put him on a continuous flow of oxygen; however, since the beginning of summer, he has again been on the decline. And in a visit this past weekend, it appears he's in worse shape than they've been able to convey to me over the phone. A simple move across the living room is cause for gasping, wheezing, and sometimes dizziness. And he simply does not look good - which is an unscientific but unmistakable evaluation I feel I can make, having seen him only one other time since last Winter.

The other thing is, neither he and my mom are under any illusions with respect to where this is headed. To a point where it was a little chilling to hear. My dad pulled me aside and shared with me, as he has to my two siblings who live in IA, some wishes for how he would want things to be handled, were he to become confined to a hospital bed with no hope of coming home. He even used the "I've had a good life" line, which is an amazing, iconic statement that somehow straddles the negative/positive notions of resignation and peace. I've spent so long thinking of my dad's condition in clinical terms, "How long will he live? Will this shatter my mom?" etc., that I've not really stopped to internalize what this is going to do to me.

It really, really hit home as I saw him giving my two daughters hugs goodbye (telling Lucy, in very uncharacteristically emotive terms, "You give the sweetest hugs"). It was the actions of a man who is not sure if he will see them again. I was not sure how many times I would see him again, alive. Five, two, never? We had already turned to get into the car, but by the time I sat down, tears were streaming down my face. I mean, of course they were. I'm that kind of a guy.

Check-In #10 (the final check-in)

Well, if the last one was long-overdue...

The first three weeks (actually, each of them only four-day weeks, for one reason or another) at the new job have been a whirlwind; with an entirely new industry to try and digest, and the shock to my family's system of me getting back on a regular work schedule.

But looking back at the last check-in, it's amazing how much I'd really figured out in the mere - what - two and a half months since I'd first gotten my notice? The three "things" that I'd found (everybody knows everybody in the nonprofit world, the nonprofit world energizes me, and I'm more connected than I initially realized) all ended up coming into play, and may all be - to a great degree - why I ended up where I did.

In many ways - I could not have drawn up a more satisfying conclusion to this odyssey. I'm working in the North Side of Minneapolis. At a nonprofit. In a research/data capacity (as opposed to on the "front lines" - as a program manager or case worker or something else I'm not sure I'm cut out for). And - miraculously - brought in at a salary that's around 90% of my Big Buy salary.

Somehow, I managed to find a lateral way into this sector without having to pay the dues of going back for years and year of school, or "working my way up" through the industry. And - while I consider myself the beneficiary of good fortune, here; part of my learnings I had over the past number of months was to trust in what I had to offer a prospective employer. Early on, I saw lack of a "professional" background in the nonprofit world as a game-breaker in making a transition over; but by the point I participated in this particular interview, I had come to realize that I had a lot to offer an employer, and it was just a matter of me having a chance to convince them.

In this particular instance, my for-profit background was a positive. The idea that I had survived seven-plus years in that environment and was able to passionately convey my interest in finding something more meaningful. The years of volunteer work in theatre and my neighborhood - something I've undertaken with a relatively selfless objective - ended up really helping to make my case, as did the extensive networking I'd done over the past couple of months (and, really, with Northside movers & shakers for years prior). I don't want to say "for the first time in my life," but...it sure felt like for the first time in my life, all the groundwork that was laid, incidentally, over a lifetime of simply doing the right thing came back to reward me. It was my own little "It's a Wonderful Life" moment.

Funny - cause, for a number of people working at my new organization - they're into it & all; but for me - this is, in some ways, the last major missing piece to a perfect life (I say that realizing there's LOADS of petty frustrations & works in progress still abounding in my life; but I feel like the major bases are now kind of covered). I'm currently still a bit overwhelmed at the tsunami of information I need to wrangle, surrounding an industry at which I have next to no experience. But I'm determined to excel.

Signing out, for now, from the check-ins. Back to your regularly scheduled blog.

The Sweatiest Day

OK - trust me, the final check-in is on the way.

But in the meantime, let me just pass this along: today was the SWEATIEST day of my life.

And that is saying something. This is no exaggeration: aside, perhaps, from being around T-Clog, it's been years since I've not been the sweatiest guy in the room. I simply sweat buckets. And not only that, but I put myself in situations (mostly, running) where the sweat lets fly.

Anyway - today: cooler temps than the past couple, but still temps in the 80s humidity in the upper 80s.

1. B-Ball. Woke up, first thing, and played in my basketball league. Three four on four games up to thirty in an uncooled gym. So sweaty that, following the game, I took my shirt off and hung around outside for about twenty mintues, then put a beach towel over my car seat, and STILL soaked the seat by the time I got home.
2. Run. Immediately after work, went on a 7-mile run in the sun. OK - this was not a great idea. Sopping, sopping wet, to the point of my shorts going "flap, flap" against my skin, like running in a swimsuit after climbing out of a pool. I was that wet. And - after the dehydration of the morning, and the already-worked muscles, I was starting to fear I wasn't going to make it home. Or at least that I wouldn't be back in time for....
3. Kickball. Not the most demanding workout in the world, but still in the blazing glory of still-up summer sum; and I sweated buckets.

Sweaty, sweaty, sweaty.

...and he ran...

Crazy, humbling times, to be sure. But the thing I can do - have always been able to do - is run. Run and run and run. And I love to run.


As I finish up a humbling few hours on any given day groveling at the feet of individuals (gracious as they may be) in my ever-increasing network, I need an escape. And I have been finding it, in the form of running - short & fast, long & steady, over hills or down by rivers, in the Urban Core or through vast expases of woods & prairies, my time of unemployment has seen me lace up the old sneakers and simply just go.

I've sort of finally figured it out - that, similar to many other cowboys, I simply have a worried mind. Or an active mind. And it doesn't want to settle down. But running is, and always has been, my meditation. Within the past week, I have run a nine mile route, pushing Rose in the stroller; and an 11 mile route, the day after running a race (see below). I've actually lost about 10 pounds, and I'm getting to be in some of the best running shape in which I've ever been (though I may never again quite hold a candle to '96).

On a side note: I did run a race over the weekend, utilizing official warm-up techniques for the first time in my life. Boy, what a difference it made. The race was finally painful at the end, but only at the end. This may just be a new lease on my 5k life. Hey, and I came in 28th out of 369 total runners - not bad! (admittedly, this was an all-comers race, and there were a lot of youth in it. But still...)

Post Star Trek Reflections (SPOILER ALERT)

First off - I will simply say, I was pleased; at least as much as I'd hoped I would be, and maybe more. As the resident "purist," and one who's felt the franchise has totally lost its way in the years following the death of Gene Roddenberry. there was certainly the possibility that the producers would allow the least common denominator trash everything about the original series which I held dear. And I have to say - there was very little about it that entered that territory; and nothing that really sticks in my mind. So kudos, overall, to the filmmakers for successfully balancing that tightwire of making a product that sells and throwing out numerous, obligatory bones to the likes of me.

Other ruminations

• The casting of everyone but Sulu and Uhura seemed superb. As Mixdorf said, Karl Urban did an uncanny McCoy; and I thought the two principals were just what they needed to be. Chekov, suprisingly good - not just in the accent, but in the actual timbre and inflection of the voice. Wow. But I gotta say, Uhura and Sulu both appeared to be cast by someone who thinks that all black people and Japanese look alike. Uhura was a little more "supermodel-ey" than seemed appropriate for the character.
• Sulu: a lot more badass than in the TV series, and Chekov, waaaaay more competent.
• This is geeking out a bit, but....in no reference from the original series do I recall any mention of the fact that the Planet Vulcan was destroyed, and that only 10,000 or so Vulcans survived. Was that merely invented for this movie and - if so - wow, what liberty taken! Not that it seems totally wrong or anything - just, wow.
• Geeking out a bit more: Knowing simply of the appearance of the line, "I have been, and always shall be, your friend," in the film, I decided it might not be a bad idea to acquaint Sharon with Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, wherein lies the origin of that line. And of course, if you're going to watch STII, you'd better precede it with Space Seed, from the original series, which introduces the character of Khan (played by Ricardo Montalbon, of course). I could not believe the number of references lifted directly from that episode and that movie. Even for the non-freaks, I would highly recommend watching the episode, Wrath of Khan, new Star Trek movie sequence; in order to add a little context, almost in "special features" style. An awful lot of Star Trek history and characterization is laid out in those two works.
• A lot of those "bones" tossed out; references from the original series. From the more obvious "I'm a doctor, not a..." line for the almost casual fan, to the acknowledgement that Kirk grew up in Iowa, for those of us a little more versed in episodic lore.
• So what - in addition to the planet Vulcan; we are to assume that Romulus (on the edge of The Neutral Zone, not on the edge of Detroit; though that one may be seeing its last days as well) will be destroyed just a couple of generations into the Star Trek future?
• Save the Federation or not; that was a mighty quick ascendancy to the command of the flagship of Starfleet.
• On the overall plot: I don't see a lot of action flicks these days. Truly, the crux of the plot (alien from future, wreaking vengeance; "red matter" creating black hole; good guys having to land at high velocity and kick a lot of ass on the edge of high-up mechanical precipeces; etc. etc. could really be swapped out with dozens...(hundreds?) of other plots of sci-fi/action films. And that's cool, I suppose. All I ask is that the dialogue and personal interactions between characters not make me roll my eyes. Anything better than that is generally cake & ice cream for me. And I did think there was some really nice, solid dialogue tying together the somewhat par-for-the-course plot, which was really just background noise for how these characters came together.
• Speaking of which - what is it about battling on high, mechanical bridges? And why does every action movie nowadays require a scene (this one has two!) in which the protagonist is hanging by his fingertips at a high altitude with a bad guy trying to step on his fingers? Folks, we're entering hottie-falling-in-the-woods-while-chased-by-axe-murderer territory here. Surely, there's another way or two bring an action sequence to its climax. Let's get creative and work on it.
• Really geeking out, here; but a nitpicker one right here: There is an old Star Trek episode that introduces Romulans; who make a reappearance about 50 years following their first contact with humans, which was an armed conflict. In that episode, it is said that the original conflict predated ship-to-ship visuals; and so no human or Romulan had ever seen the other. Main purpose with that was one of Gene Roddenberry's lessons on race & tolerance, as the ship of the Enterprise discovers that Romulans- surprise! - look just like Vulcans and share common anscestry. Anyway - that's a little inconsistant with this episode, which Kirk battling Romulans in hand-to-hand combat.
• Spock and Uhura romance - wow, wonder what that came from, and if they plan to explain how it ends, sometime in the future.
• No Nurse Chapel (though you hear her being called for in the background). No Yeoman Rand. No Transporter Chief Kyle, but (ok, starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel here, but get THIS); Transporter Chief Kyle was on the bridge of the Reliant in Wrath of Khan. Never noticed that before.
• Too much Leonard Nimoy!!! Appearing at first, wonderful (but yet another nod to Star Wars, as the Obi Wan parallel is uncanny). As the movie goes on, though, it becomes increasingly apparent, that Future Spock, like a creepy old grandfather, just refuses to go away. People not familiar with the series might expect all the episodes to include this ancient Spock double to be there, continually offering up mystical Dungeon Master-styled advice and quips. Anyway - a brief cameo would have been fine.
• Brilliant, almost perfect (and, as Mixx suggested, emotional) birth story for Kirk, at the beginning.
• Also like Mixx, I look forward to future installments.

Check-In #9

Long overdue, this one.

So, "Any luck on the job front?" has become the new "So, what sort of music does your band play?" question. The one I hate to answer, because I feel like a simple sentence, or two, doesn't dive into the complexity of the issue and the (at the risk of getting floofy) "personal journey" I've been on over the past two and a half months.

Short answer: "no." In that, I'm not employed.

Longer answer: I'm currently going through a process where I'm letting go of some assumptions and cynicism to which I've held fast over the 16 years of my post-college adulthood. Assumptions and cynicism which, I now realize, have really gotten me nowhere. In and around the expected ups and downs of day in-day out living without employment, I've have been a networking fool. On a path of self discovery and career exploration, I have been talking to people I know associated with organizations (mostly local government and nonprofit) in which I am interested. I am starting to get this weird sort of focus on non-profits and agencies involved with revitalization/planning/housing issues.

On the surface, "planning" is kind of a sister field to GIS. But in the real nitty gritty, there is an entire other discipline of study required (usually, an advanced degree) in order to become a"planner," proper (as in, "City Planner"). But, I've found that there's all sorts of individuals, community organizers to policy wonk researchers and everything in between, that make the guts of this public sector world go. And I've found three other things:

1. In the public sector, everybody knows everybody. Unlike in the Fortune 500 world I was in previously, the folks in this new arena I am exploring partner with each other, share data, and do collaborative research and projects.

2. The nonprofit world totally energizes me! Something I might have suspected; but without a social work (or related) degree, I always figured employment in that sort of field was beyond my wildest dreams, so I didn't entertain the thought all that much. But damn, if my networking isn't leading me in that direction and confirming for me -yes - this is where my future lies, by whatever path.

3. I'm more "connected" than I initially realized. Serving on my neighborhood board for a few years? Being a current board member of a 501c3 neighborhood theatre company? Being a regular at the coffeeshop, doing the annual Earth Day cleanup at the creek? I had a "network" and I didn't even know it. A lot of these folks have connections with community development corporations, The City, etc., etc., and I am meeting people and having discussions, and just generally getting out there.

So where are things at? Realizing there's still a need to simply put food on the table, I've got a handful of resumes out there for jobs at private firms doing general data jockey sort of things. But whether or not I end up having to take that less desirable option in the short term, this "network" is continuing, and - and I truly believe this (and both of my career counselors have me totally believing this) - it is truly just a matter of time before something comes through in this realm. I've actually got a couple of things in the works where I'll be doing some pro-bono research/GIS work for a couple of local nonprofits; with the idea that I'll get to know the people there better, and their connections, etc. etc. - plus be building up a portfolio and base of experience working in an industry that excites me.

There's also a couple of more strictly GIS/mapping things that are out there - not sure if anything will come of either. The first is another GIS specialist job with a metro county, but this one I appear to be much more qualified for than that one where my hopes were dashed. The pay would totally be on the low side of what it would take for us to make ends meet; but taking the job would be a no brainer for many reasons. And I've long since resigned myself to the notion that I'm not in this (and by "this," I mean "life") for the money. The other thing - and this one is kind of crazy - is a job in a St. Paul suburb working for the US Forest Service. Without a natural resources degree, I'd have never thought it possible; but for whatever reason, that didn't come up (in so many words) in the extensive application process. And lo! and behold, I just got an email from the government essentially telling me that I've made it past the first round of the selection process: they've deemed me qualified. What is really unknown, however; is whether one other person or 150 other people have been deemed similarly qualified. Time will tell. Anyway - that job is a mere 13-month assignment, but the local office reserves the right to extend it to four years; and by that time, I'm assuming new doors would have/will have opened. And in the meantime, I would have worked for Barack Obama!

Not sure what else I need to say at the moment - I'm probably missing a lot but it seems a good time to stop.

To All Mothers, Everywhere

from Dan, Lucy, and Rose

Happy May!

Did I mention I love my city?

This past weekend, our family headed out to Powderhorn Park in south Minneapoils to attend what one of Lucy's teachers calls, "The Best Thing About Living in the Cities." (high praise, indeed!) For the first time ever, we went to the annual May Day celebration; site of a huge festival, parade, vendor-filled gathering of tens of thousands of peace-loving-types in an enormous urban greenspace for general frivolity and a Tree of Life pageant/spectacle that, we'd heard, must be seen to be believed.

Now, from the comforts of your respective corners of the globe, YOU TOO can see it. And believe it, or not.

May Day 2009

Spam of the Day (courtesy of Bootylicious24)

I do know I'm not supposed to open up spam emails and respond to the offers, but in this instance....have pity on me for my weakness! Am I not flesh and blood!?

"Count Me In With the Hollyweirds"

As we all know, message boards on news websites are a cesspool of humanity, bringing out the absolute worst qualities from the laziest cowards in society. To the point where, if I - in a moment of weakness - happen to check in on one, I almost invariably end up becoming depressed at the lack of meaningful discourse. So I generally don't bother.

Except when I can't resist. It's sort of like discovering there's a Vin Diesel action movie playing in your hotel room. Somehow, sometimes, I can't resist just checking in.

So anyway - you can imagine the rancor abounding in the Franken-Coleman trial debates. We know that accusations that fly from ideologues on both sides; but I just happened to check in on a board today and caught one of those one-in-a-thousand amazing comments left by some random guy who addressed that ongoing, strange right wing fury about Hollywood being in the back pocket of liberal politics:

The question one should ask themselves is...
what these donors expect to gain by their contributions. Do Hollywood actors and other celebrities who donate to Franken expect government handouts, or business tax breaks, or federal contracts? Or do they simply think Franken is more likely to promote the type of government and society in which they want to live? Last I checked, these celebrities were not corporate bigwigs looking to receive more favorable tax treatment and government contracts. Nope, but that's what motivates Norm's donors, who would prefer to further bankrupt the government for their own individual good. So basically we have one set of donors who want a more open, tolerant and freer society vs. another set who want to pay less in taxes or garner some other lucrative government contract and think giving a Republican a lot of money will help them get this. Seems pretty clear who I'd rather have in D.C. Count me in with the Hollyweirds.

Well-done, jonnyonspot.

Everything I Know About Parenting I Learned From LOTR

Among the lines used in various iteractions with child:

- (when rounding up the girls to get them out the door - with thanks to PGibb) Find the halflings!!!
- Strange that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing.
and
- DO NOT TAKE ME FOR A CONJURER OF CHEAP TRICKS!!

others, Gibb? Missing some here? No doubt, but those three came to mind first.

Happy Birthday Little Girl Getting Bigger

Lucy Age 6

Check-In #8

Apparently, the aerial imagery company is calling my references. I've heard from two of them now that they've been contacted and have given their best on my behalf.

If this job was offered (at a living wage) I would accept; and there are definite good points about the company, the industry, and (potentially) the future - were I to end up there.

Cross your fingers on my behalf.

Check-In #7

First off, so it doesn't get buried & forgotten - the link to "Proove You Groove" has been updated & should work now.

So...

My second moment of clarity in the past two months has been met with a second kick in the face. The first, if you recall, was when I'd decided that staying with my former employer was a position of power from which I could launch "Plan B" (the future career exploration). And then I was laid off.

This most recent one was laid out in detail in check-in #6. Clarity that I should stick to my bread & butter, and do GIS Specialist work for a local government. And I was really excited about the resume that I'd sent off for a job in a SW Metro county. Well, I got a letter on Tuesday informing me that I was not among those selected to interview. Oof. Beyond bad; this could either be an indictment of my actual qualifications, or an indication of the overwhelming number of people out there trying to get jobs in this field. I had a day where I was nearly literally reeling. The pressure is on - Sharon & I have done the numbers, and it wouldn't make sense for her to go back to work part-time (e.g. in the job she used to have) before Rose gets into Kindergarten. Full day daycare for Rose and extended day for Lucy would add up to about $900/month. Then, by the time you figure in less meals from scratch, car upkeep & gas, etc. etc.; it really doesn't make sense. It's really all on me - which means I have to make a living wage for a family of four.

Luckily, I still have two career counselors in my camp, and they've got me going crazy in the networking thing; I've actually got an informational interview set up today with the guy that manages the GIS operation at that county job, to kind of get a sense of what the deal was, and his insight on how to approach working in the public sector. I'm going to a GIS job fair next week, and will be starting a process of getting involved in local user groups, including one that has membership from throughout Hennepin County. See if there's a way I can, during my unemployment, offer up my help on any collaborative projects across government agencies & get to know people, etc. Not sure if anything can &/or will come of any of that - but something kind of has to.

One of those weird things. I look at where I'm at, career-wise (kind of feeling like I'm almost back to square one), and just think: "How did it come to this?" 16 years out of college. I got these two beautiful little girls, that are completely unaware of my stress, and our overall situation. With one person in our household working, we need to gross 45k, minimum, to make our ends meet. That's with about zero eating out, not having one of our two 12+ year old cars die, etc. And what if that opportunity simply isn't there for me? I mean, I don't take the care to put this into actual words very often, but there's people losing their homes left and right; people that can't find jobs; 20 million kids living in poverty - at what point - how many months from now in fruitless job searching would my family get to some kind of crazy breaking point where there is earth-shattering changes to our lives and lifestyle. Cashing in of 401k. Losing of the house. Living in a shelter. Sounds crazy and insane, but my sense is these sorts of things cascade quickly and you can go from Point A to Point X in an awful hurry. In any event, all manner of craziness enters one's mind late at night, when one is exhausted. And when craziness enters one's mind, one doesn't sleep well, which leads to more exhaustion. Rinse, cycle, repeat.

Proove I Groove (Let's Try This Again)

Been working on my piano jazz since I got a couple of intro starter books from Sharon for Christmas, in and around my dislocated finger. Here's my first attempt at a little combo recording, of Phil Peskett's Proove You Groove.

Check-In #6

It's been awhile. I have since determined that my immediate career options fall into a couple of broad categories: One, is staying in GIS and working in a map-production style capacity, probably as a GIS Specialist. Truly, it is work I enjoy. And it's work I would potentially really enjoy, if I were doing it at an organization (think public sector or non-profit), where the mission/culture/etc. were more in line with my personality. As opposed to...oh....say...retail. The other possibility is to use some of my professional experience (both at my last job and in my years of marketing/communications prior) to carve out a communications-y or writing-style role at within a larger geospatial environment.

In the latter of the two options, I actually just had an interview with a photogrammetry/aerial imagery company in a NW suburb. I would be writing technical proposals and presentations - something that I originally thought would be a good use of my "talents," such as they are, but now (following the interview), I'm wondering. While it would remain in the greater sort of "geo" field, a part of it would feel like "what the hell have I been doing for the past eight years?" Like I was picking up where I left off, in the last barely tolerable job I had before my career change. There's a lot to like about the company, but I'm having a little trouble identifying exactly what "doors" this opportunity is opening for me, in whatever path is my future.

Part of the problem is that I was not quite far enough along in the career exploration path with Cindy, prior to the layoff. I still don't know what I don't know.

And the x-factor is the economy, of course. At a certain point, you simply need to have employment.

Beyond the interview, I have a resume in one other place - which is with a county in the SW part of the metro. A bear of a commute, but I'd be doing GIS Specialist work - I would almost certainly enjoy the work and environment. I still don't know about being a GIS/technical guy far, far into the future - but it definitely at least makes sense in terms of the career progression; I'd love to work for a county, and there'd be some aspects of the job where there'd be a lot less riding on my (non)understanding of some of the super-technical aspects of the job (programming/application development) that I'm not so hot on; cause I'd be part of a larger team. The pay would be a little less than what I was making at my last job (and, again, the commute is about 40 minutes with no traffic), but I am totally hoping for this one, relative to the other one.

Much, much more has been transpiring and going on in the overall search process, but these are the two major things that are circulating right now.

Positives

New beginnings.

Glorious day yesterday, sunny and a light breeze and about 50 degrees warmer than just three days prior. The first Spring day. We went for a long, wonderful hike with the girls and our neighbor, Ginger. Over to the river by our house, up to a playground, messing around barefoot in the mud, checking out the riverfront phenology, and looking for brachiopods & their friends on Fossil Hill.

Below is a shot of the girls and me in front of our favorite Cottonwood tree; a true gentle giant.

Oh...and I just got my first interview. Which is "so far, so good," since I've only applied for one job.

Quick Update - Rocky

Indeed, he seems back to normal. Somewhat clumsy, but utterly past his strange, four-day partial paralysis.

The test for FIP came back negative. All tests for anything chronic and awful, even down to irritable bowel symdrom, are negative. Which is amazingly great.

Fearless, playful, and affectionate; he makes life more fun, and I'm so glad he'll be sticking around for awhile. My Rocko.

Gearing Up for Monday

We're supposed to get a call from the pet doctors to talk about tests Rocky was undergoing to detect feline peritonitis. Suddenly, however, we're optimistic. The son of a gun has showed remarkable improvement over the weekend, getting all feisty, lovable, and generally full of piss-and-vinegar, once again. We're wondering if it's possible he had some sort of viral thing - maybe in his inner ear, maybe even in his spine(?). But we'll see what they say tomorrow.

And we now have hot water. And showers are glorious.

And I'm taking tomorrow off. Totally off. Sharon has an appointment in the afternoon, so I'll be hanging out with Rosie, but in the morning I'm thinking about heading over to Columbia Heights to bust out 1,000 layups.

Word.

So, It's Really Been a Two Weeks for the Ages

We're trying to cut down on expenses, with the uncertain financial future that's facing us. To the point where we're drinking powdered milk, exclusively, and Sharon is making our own bread, crackers, cereal, and even yogurt.

But God has other plans for us, apparently. We just plopped down $500 on a new water heater (which, after a week, is still not up & going - it's been bucket bathing by water heated over the stove for 8 days now) and - Jesus Christ, - but Rocky (the cat) has suddenly developed some sort of mysterious debilitating condition where his hind legs aren't working correctly and/or his balance is way off, to the point of tripping and falling over. And we're currently $300 into tests and bloodwork that have ruled out some things (feline luke and inner ear infection), and are still trying to look at other possibilities (heartworm, feline peritonitis, or some time of degenerative brain condition). So here's to hoping for the heartworm.

What IS it with us and our pets, anyway?

I used to fancy myself somewhat of a rock, emotionally. In the big scheme of things, anyway. But in more recent years, it seems like my psychological condition is always precariously balancing on the edge of a precipice. This is most evident in times of stress when I realize I can go from feeling normal to being on edge as a result of a single incident. Sharon & I refer to this as "having very little reserves." I thought I'd sort of mellow out and be able to cope with whatever life throws at me more easily the older I got, but it seems to have sort of worked in the opposite direction. Sharon's theory is that my "ambient stress level" is a little higher, overall, due to the amount of energy and "reserves" spent on our kids. She may be onto something there.

Check-In #5

Should be brief, as I'm going to need to make some time for a little meditation and relaxation before hitting the sack. I've got basketball tomorrow morning.

The last few days have seen a dramatic improvement (I think) in the state of my resume; with the help of my career counselor. The last few days have seen little else, unfortunately. Maybe it's just the psychological fragility speaking, but I feel like the world is conspiring against me being able to devote uninterrupted time in this job search process. A succession of events you would not believe - from water heater replacement ones (putting me on daughter duty) to appoinments by Sharon (also putting me on daughter duty) and me that have sent us piling across town, and last-minute duties related to my theatre's play that opens up in two days, have put me, generally, on edge as I feel like I can't get momentum or traction going on anything. For days on end. It doesn't make sense - I'm unemployed and supposed to have gobs of free time.

As...I...type...(9:20 pm) Lucy is screaming from the other room because she's not asleep yet and I'm ignoring her (she's used up her two "turns"). I'm totally fucking strung out.

We Interrupt These Check-Ins to Bring You...

Lucy's phonetic spelling. She's way into writing; constantly cranking out stories, cards, etc. This particular piece, done at some point during a recent school day, was published in a student submissions section of the school newsletter called "Precious Voice." If can can enlarge her writing, it's not too hard to follow the phonics and figure out what she's getting at. The transcription is at the bottom, if you get stuck.

Check-In #4

2nd lead - from an associate in the GIS industry who seems pretty confident about my ability to get a mapping job which is only being very cryptically described* as, "working for the DoD."

No kidding.

Boy, and I thought I was a fish out of water at BB...

* "you'd be working alongside me"..."can't say more at this point"..."send me your updated resume, like, now"

Check-In #3

Having attended a handful of on-campus, outplacement sessions, continued to do my "networking" and "homework" for Cindy, and laid the groundwork for my service with the outplacement firm BB is providing (thereafter, DBM), I am working from home today.

Crazy - Not sure if this is a nod of respect from my work team acknowledging that it's insane to expect much from me in this time; or if it's the reality of having worked on strategy projects of a highly confidential nature in my time at work; or if it's the ultimate snub, saying "We really don't need you anymore," but they've cut me off. I got an email from the HR team indicating that they were notified by my manager that I have "successfully transitioned" my work and will no longer require access to network drives and company-licensed applications. So basically - at work, I now have Outlook, MS Word, and Excel, and my hard drive.

I'm not complaining.

So basically - I told folks that if there's any other questions they have (they won't, I think they're terrified of me), they can call; but I may only be coming in one or two more times, and then, just to get stuff from my desk.

I'm having some occasional moments of freak-out, where it seems like so many "to-dos" are circulating - and needing to be resolved before I can even proceed with the job search, proper. But I think I am pretty blessed, overall, with an enormous amount of resources (two career counselor services simultaneously running, one of them free - and the additional almost extra month of severance, since I'm getting paid through March 23 before the six-months kick in).

I've had a hard time relaxing, but I'm taking this afternoon off. Treating myself to a cup of coffee at Steamworks, and then a therapeutic massage session (I have three remaining from a package I bought during better times last summer) at a little place right across the street.

Also - I may have come across my first job lead - only incidentally, since I'm not officially in "search mode" yet. Technical writer with a geography background. More on that as/if it develops.

Oh, by the way - our hot water heater burst this morning, sending water shooting all over the basement floor.

Check-In #2

Tuesday morning, sitting at my desk at work.

It is weird, coming in to "work," amongst soon-to-be former co-workers; all of them not sure exactly how to handle having me amongst them, and me involved with almost none of the day-to-day operations of the company. My termination letter actually states that - although I need to remain available to hep with transition of duties - my primary focus is expected to be getting a job. B.B. is offering multiple classes, daily, with names that - remember - would have made me cringe throughout my adult life but now I must go in with a new attitude. Classes like "LinkedIn for Beginners" and "Branding-U." I also went through a couple of sessions yesterday to try and make sense of how my benefits will work over the next year. You know, roll the 401k into a "Traditional" or "Roth" IRA; divest my company stock? (here's my stock tip - if you have BB stock right now - keep it), will the COBRA package that they're picking up the bill on be considered taxable income next tax time? All those annoying, painful financial "life" things that I hate to consider.

But, in the end, everything is optional. So, I can get up without an alarm clock, and just make sure I'm in here in time for my first session of the day, and pretty much head out at the end of the last session, which may be early in the afternoon or not. And do various job search-related activities in between. Or I can choose to not come in at all. Everyone's so gun-shy about trying to ask me for anything, there's really nothing work-related for me to do. And I just pass along every email request I get. At some point, there's going to be a couple of meetings where I truly do the "knowledge transfer" with respect to a lot of the processes I, alone, managed. But I've got a heckuva lot of freedom over this coming month.

Yesterday, after my last session at 1 pm, I headed home to work (on homework from my career counselor) from my computer there. In other times - this is the lifestyle for me. As it is, living life to the fullest is a bit crimped. Psychologically, there's a bit of a wet blanket over anything. But also - there's little things like "no coffeeshops." Our unofficial budget (we haven't had the chance to sit down and line it all out in Quicken yet) allows only for coffee, sans-pastry, in one family visit on Saturday mornings. So I've been French Pressing it every morning & bringing in the travel mug. So, in short, no hanging out at the coffee shop on my free afternoons.

Working from home, I was trying to assemble the myriad handouts I've gotten from Cindy (the cc), and try to start assembling names for my "network," and do a couple of other things - and also kind of prepare for a job fair they've got happening here at work tomorrow (outside employers), when I had a minor freak-out. I think it got better, but mainly cause I just shut down after that and switched gears to greeting my family after Sharon got home with the girls. I did not return to job stuff after that.

First of Numerous Check-Ins

Something I've kind of determined I'm going to do: try to stay on a semi-regular blogging schedule in order to sort of tie down various strands that are floating about in these uncertain times and kind of "get my story straight" for you guys. In and amidst a phone call I may make here and there, there may be some repeating of some stuff from time to time, but I think getting stuff down in the written word can help coalesce what is sometimes only lurking in the shadows of one's minute-to-minute conscious thought. Plus - you all know that bouncing things off friends is one of the ways I work myself through a lot of life's shit. So please - chime in if you have any thoughts, at any point.

So - Thursday night (the night after the layoff), I was surprised (though perhaps I shouldn't have been) to have an utterly fitful and sleepless night. One of my worst ever; especially considering I'd not had a great night of sleep the night before and was drowsy while hanging out with my family earlier in the day. This is a difficult thing for me to admit in light of all the anti-corporate & "Barad-Dur" talk through all the years, but I'd invested a fair amount of my energy & attention into this last job. I mean, it demanded a lot of me, and over time, that will tend to suck you in, to a point. And without going into too much detail about "the value I added to the business," I will say that it was truly a surprise to me that I was among those let go; and - dammit - it did feel like a slap in the face. So - after an awesome, chummy evening where Gibbs & I hung out on the phone for a while, I suffered through a hellish night where my brain simply would not turn off. I slept for two hours. I know a lot of people will say they slept for two hours and they maybe don't really know. But truly - I slept for two hours, no more.

I'd thought about going into work the next day (remember, they're keeping me on for a month), but after the night I had - fuck that. I had, wisely, pre-scheduled an appointment with my career counselor for this day. By the way - did I mention that I've been seeing a career counselor for a little over a month? Related - and, in fact, driving that whole talk of future scenarios (including the one about beinga sexy librarian).

I decided to wear my dumpy "unemployment clothes" (my 1994-era Timberwolves sweatshirt and a pair of gray cargo pants), and spent little time beforehand in a local library checking out the "career center." I was filing through some of the printouts talking about "networking" groups meeting in local churches and resume-writing classes offered by the State of Minnesota, when realized I actually had some tears near-welling up in my eyes. Kind of perfect storm of the exhaustion, the layoff, the prospect of my family of four having just lost our lifeline, and me, sitting here at age 38, thinking, "so, it's come to this." That was kind of the low daytime point I've had so far.

In my meeting with Cindy (my c. counselor) not long after, she was offering me some pretty hopeful overall assessments; in addition to sort of giving me permission to be easy on myself for a few days, she also assured me that, with my six-month (seven-month, if you consider the month of remaining employment) severence, I have time to "do this right" (her words). My newish dream of being librarian (children's book specialist) or school librarian - she told me point blank, "this is not just a dream - this is very do-able." The whole thing is about not ever accepting a job again that is just kind of repeating the cycle of getting something that is not moving me towards a goal, but simply not quite crappy enough to leave. More on this later, but my next few steps involve finding out the difference between what my perception is of the job requirements of a number of occupations, and what job listings actually say. That, and starting a major "networking" effort. I tell you, there is so much for me to unlearn. The idea of and even the word "networking" has always made me cringe. But looking at how close I am to where I want to be career-wise, 15+ years out of college, has got me considering I might not be entirely unlike George Costanza in that episode where he decided to start doing the exact opposite of every single inclination he had, and things suddenly started looking up.

This is getting a little long, but it was a crazy first few days. I will say that Sharon & I, with the assistance of a babysitter, were able to get away for a great talk for a couple of hours on Saturday, and I've found her to be a lot more willing to consider multiple scenarios (some of which involve her back in the workforce and Rosie going to Lucy's school), than I had worried she might be. And I've slept better each night since Thursday, though I'm sort of feeling like tonight might be a bit of a setback, as I'll be setting foot back in that place again, tomorrow. It's going to be a really weird feeling, and a little humiliating to walk back to my cube amongst my co-workers. Dead man walking.

But I'm expected to be there, for most of the days at least, in order to receive my severence. Plus, they are actually offering a number of outplacement resources, on-campus, as many of which I will avail myself as I am able. Other than that, I'll be forwarding along a lot of emails and saying, "My last days is..." and "...you'll need to talk to..." and/or simply deleting them; and doing career counseling "homework" with impunity. And getting up without an alarm clock every day. And wearing jeans every day. And not eating out.

Anyway - that's check in one. All the other check-ins will probably be much shorter.

The Hammer Drops

I was just let go. My last day of employment will be the 23rd of March. They're theoretically "...transitioning away from the kind of work" I do, which I suspect may be a little more difficult than they currently believe, once I'm gone - but I'm going to have a lot of flexibility to come & go & job search with imputity on work time over the next 30 days.

More as my "throwing my hat into the ring" story develops.

In Other News...

Tomorrow is the day when I find out if I still have a job. Having gone through a "voluntary" round of job reductions, my company now has determined that they need to take that next step - and we've all been waiting about a month and a half for this day of gloom.

Even if stay on, many others will have their employment involuntarily terminated - it's going to be awful.

Get on the Bus!

Ever have a movie that you’ve felt you *should* see, but one that stayed in that status, unseen, for a decade or more?

For me, one of those movies was “Get on the Bus.” Finally saw it last night. 12+ years on my “to see” list, about two years in my Netflix queue, and then at least four weeks sitting in my living room.

I know I'm supposed to be working towards not obligating myself with "shoulds," but in this case, at least, it became a matter of pride. Sending the movie back to Netflix after coming so far in this particular journey would have been like dropping out of a 25k trail run within sight of the finish line.

Speechless.

In this, may lie my answer. Thanks to Wordle, and T-Clog, who hepped me to the scene.

the low-down

I'm about nine days out from finding out whether I'm among the involuntary layoffs. But...only indirectly related to that - I've been in career counseling sessions for the past month.

Here's the deal: I love geography, and continue to love geography. But, unless you go into a career as an academic research geographer, almost any career in the field is going to be very GIS-heavy. And I've begun to wonder in recent years whether I really do want to spend my middle age and older working years jockeying to stay on top of the latest technology.

A recent skills assessment and some soul-searching has caused the field of "library science" to rise to the top. I'm in the process of conducting some "informational interviews" with people in the field and who've gone through a graduate program at the College of St. Kate's (in St. Paul), and will be attending an informational session at the end of the month.

Much more soul-searching needs to be done. If I manage to ride out this impending round of layoffs, I need to answer the following questions for myself:

on one hand:
- Am I looking a gift horse in the mouth? (I've got the best job I've ever had; albeit, in a field that makes my heart grow cold. But we can pay all the bills and slowly pay off debt, and Sharon doesn't even have to work. Plus, I'm doing work I generally enjoy, can blog & listen to NPR, and and make maps pretty much all day)
- Do I really have the motivation (and finances) to embark upon another attempt at a graduate to enter a field with God-knows-what employment prospects.

on the other hand:
- The opportunity to working in a career where a voracious interest in the accumulation of useless knowledge and a near-insane drive to catalog and file is rewarded?
- The opportunity to work in the public sector and maybe even incorporate the "programming" aspect of Sharon's old job at the nature center that I always thought I'd enjoy.

on the third hand:
- Something I can do with my background in geography that might allow me to make my escape from retail once and for all, and maybe pull me just a bit away from technology a bit. The other aspect of my searching about.

Anyway - that's what this is all about. I'm in a rather insane period of waffling and roller-coastering right now. And I set a high-bar to begin with. I'm 100% for something one moment, then fretting and losing sleep over that idea later the same night. As I said to Mixx today - and though it was in relation to something a little difference, it is tied to this same current phase of insanity - and is perhaps one of my best self-assessments ever:

I am a little boat, far out at sea, continually buffeted about by the alternating winds of motivation and malaise.

Welcome Back, Pot-Stirrer...

Well, it's looking like I might be about to pursue a career as a librarian.

Arrr!

V-Minus One Day and Counting

The Smooch Project Redux

Lucy Luvs Rose

Entire gallery here. Copies are insanely expensive, but man - some of these photos are good. We could never get a school photo that good in a million years. Not just the photo quality, but the sentiment, and the fact they're both in there together.

I'll mention again - whenever you're feeling down, just visit www.thesmoochproject.com. It's impossible to get kissed on the cheek and not feel silly and good. The most hardened heart cannot. It's just such a wholesome, lovely expression of affection. It's just fun to flip through picture after picture of people so obviously enjoying the company of somebody close to them.

I'm glad that everyone who reads this blog has people who love them.

THOK! (in the Northern Hemisphere)

Dislocated my pinkie finger again. This time, the other hand, actually.

Over the weekend, Sharon was having a momma-daughter day with Lucy, and I was having a daddy-daughter day with Rose. Things were going famously. I was in the midst of teaching Rosie to ice skate, when I went down fast and hard, right onto my pinkie finger.

However hard it was, two years ago, when I had to get Lucy out of the house, into the car, and with me to the Urgent Care Clinic; consider that this time, I had to get a bundled-up Rose off of an ice-skating rink (along with a little chair she was using for balance), into a warming house, and actually change out of my ice skates and into shoes, one-handed. Then out, across the snow and to my car with Rose, buckling her up and getting on the road.

A sickening feeling, having my finger in this crumpled and distorted state for a long period of time. Rose was about as helpful as she could be:

Dan: "Rosie - daddy needs you to go AsFastAsYouCan!"
Rosie: "I AM going FastAsCan!"

We got to the hospital and the wait wasn't all that long. I did having the passing thought, right before the doctor reset the finger, "Hmm...didn't they give me something to deaden the pain last time?" The, Pop! And I let out an unexpected howl. Sonofabitch. That hurts. That and rolling an ankle. The lingering effects seem to have gotten generally better through the years, but the inital pain never does.

Anyway, so much for my new jazz piano hobby for at least a couple of weeks. And - oh - yeah, this was also quite certainly not the best week to start my new wakeup league basketball season.

Ex-CI-ted!!!

We're having a bit of a blizzard in these parts today, so I headed home early to avoid the evening commute. And what did I find a-waiting me in the mailbox, special delivery from Methuen MA?

ONLY THE MOCKAPALOOZA, THAT'S WHAT!!!

Seriously, folks. I cannot remember a time when I've been looking forward to something coming in the mail quite so much. This is what it's all about. Tomfoolery, created out of pure love of the sport of it all, and sent out for enjoyment amongst friends.

Mixx, I appreciate the re-mastering of the T.T. mock. I could be proven way, way wrong here, but I did feel like there was a lot of funny stuff in there that was just a little too inscrutable as a result of the background dialog being so high, last time around.

Anyway - I've got a busy-ish schedule going on these days (evenings), so I'm not sure how much time I have to set aside for it all, but MAN - I can't imagine I will not pop one of the suckers in tonight, if just for a little while.

On an aside...FAR be it from me to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I was just a teeny bit let down that P.M.; above all of us a master of Photoshop, did not include j-cards. But I know a lot of work goes into getting things to this point (for something that is ultimately going to be enjoyed a number of people that can be counted on one hand of Bart Simpson), and I totally know the feeling of, "Jesus Christ! Enough of this!!!"

In One Word

1. Where is your cell phone? elsewhere
2. Your significant other? smart
3. Your job? maps
4. Shoes you are wearing? frayed
5. Your father? patriarch
6. Your favorite thing? daughters
7. Your dream last night? gone
8. Your favorite drink? Bender
9. Your dream/goal? un-working?
10. Room you're in now? computer
11. Your fear? vasectomies
12. Where you want to be in 6 years? Minneapolis
13. Where you were last night? piano
14. What you are not? snivelling
15. Muffins? yup
16. One of wish list items? iPod
17. Where did you grow up? Minneapolis
18. The last thing you did? bedtime(s)
19. What you are wearing? p.j.s
20. Your TV? flat
21. Your pet? Rocky
22. Your computer? stationary
23. Your life? blessed
24. Your mood? anticipatory
25. Missing someone? nope
26. Your car? '98
27. Something you are not wearing? Sketchers
28. Favorite store? HUB
29. Favorite color? green
30. Favorite place? boreal
31. Last time you laughed? Recently
32. Last time you cried? December?
33. Who will/would repost this? Stephen
34. Four places I go over and over again? (a) cubicle (b) Steamworks (c) TheOnion.com (d) Iowa
35. Four people who email me? (a) mom (b) Howard Dean (not so much now) (c) Luitpold Tarwater (d) Pat
36. Four favorite foods?(a) donuts (b) pbj (c) strawberries (d) pie
37. Four places I would rather be right now?(a) Dakota (b) hoopin' (c) England (d) Hyland
38. Four people you think will respond?(a) Stephen (b) Pat (c) Aaron (d) Clogger

Merry Christmas from Waterloo (a little after the fact)