The Resolution Project

Per inspiration by Mixdorf, my recap of 2005 and hopes for 2006:

1. 3 Resolutions for 2006:

• Future: Residence Issue Resolved.
• Health: Be on regular cardiovascular schedule AND be eating right/in moderation.
• Art: Finish SECRET OF HIM.

2. Best Moment of 2005:

• Christmas celebration evening with Sharon & Lucy (a couple days before visiting Iowa). We sang (& played on guitar & piano) Christmas songs, put up some decorations, I read The Grinch. Just a wonderful, wonderful family moment.

3. Worst Moment of 2005:

• Death of my beloved doggie.

4. 2005 Remembered as the Year of the...

• ...unresolved decisions

Notes on the four:

#1: The ammended one is the second goal. I made a formerly very specific and limited health goal to one that is broader and incorporates a concert of lifestyle changes (e.g. "eating right" could include the switch from coffee to tea). I have some other goals of learning more about chess, learning more about art, learning more about beer, and watching buttloads of movies, but I'll stick with these three.

#2: This was really tough. Even exluding any sexually-related "moment" (which, honestly, we must all do), this comes down to whichever of a number of really good times happens to be at the forefront. Eating a TU Bar, Drinking Old Speckled Hen, and watching ST with Gibbons at Terre Vista Drive? Football, beer, & swimming afternoon with Mixxy & Cory? Right up there. Sitting on a rock by the shore of Lake Superior with Sharon & Lucy? Talk with Cory at Wikota Creek? Pancake breakfast the last morning we visited Zephyr? The moment I dropped out of college again? Hearing the news of Helen's & Shawn's adoption? Honeymooners performance? All strong candidates and I'm undoubtedly forgetting many more...

#3: Well this was the one and it probably wasn't even close; though, of course, it was one of those worst moments/best moments, as it was definitely part of a greater good.

#4: Unresolved decisions: where to live, as well as a couple of somewhat more private, family issues. Having not reached a "resolution" (ironic, eh?) on weighty life issues really influences much of all I seem to do. The whole "half a man" effect.

All in all, I can't say as I have many regrets from 2005; though I'm hopeful on my resolutions (in more ways than one), and excited for 2006. Happy New Year's to all!

Doing Good, Feeling Fine; I'm Gonna Live to Be 95!

In a classic French exchange, Mixdorf's & my last few posts have been tangentally related to one anothers' posts for the past couple of days. Thanks for the wonderful essay on locally-grown & non-bioengineered foods, PMix.

Part 1: Today's topic is about health, longevity, & quality of life; but specifically (and in relation to Mixdorf's post) about the stuff we put in our bodies. I'd gone along for a number of years confident in my general level of health, but always more or less trusting that my physical well-being was in top-notch condition due to my age, level of fitness (as an off-and-on runner and generally active individual), my leanness, and maybe some sort of genetic predisposition for health (though with diabetic family members and a grandfather that died of a heart attack, that belief may be somewhat misplaced). This sort of faith in those factors that were part of my natural lifestyle (e.g. didn't require any sort of change or uncomfortable effort on my part) carried me through college and quite a few beyond. I knew that cholesterol, fat, sugars, etc. were bad, but I always assumed that my intake was moderate enough and/or my positive traits & habits (above) would cancel out their negative effects. Especially after I became a vegetarian; surely, that alone would render all the rest of those concerns moot! I skated through many years without a worry.

Just a few years back, though, I started to have a little more consciousness about some of those heath factors I could control. Maybe it had to do with my dad's recurring skin tumors (I started using sunscreen, though not religiously), my personal weight gain of 20 lbs over my college weight (cutting down consciously on sweets), and so on. But I never really learned a whole lot about how all those health dangers were related. After Lucy was born, Sharon made the commitment to buy organic or at least natural groceries, shopping exclusively at the local co-op. It was something that we both were excited to do, for all the societal & ecological concerns that Mixdorf mentions. But even more of a reason to transition was to keep Lucy from getting all that unnatural crap in her body at an early age. Even if we couldn't adhere absolutely to a natural diet for ourselves, we were determined to provide that for Lucy. But I think my overall condition has improved in that time. Other than a clean bill of health at my latest checkup (blood pressure fine, "bad cholesterol" fine, etc.; though, curiously, "good cholesterol" level a little low, though-more on that later), it's been tough to gague the exact health benefits of my diet from the past couple of years; though I have had a distinct decrease in number of canker sores, a chronic affliction from which I have suffered all my life.

It all leads me to this. We've probably all tried out "longevity calculators" before; and most of them turn out to be seriously simplified and to suffer from the "well duh!" syndrome. But this particular one is by far the most comprehensive and meaningful one I've ever taken. Make sure you have the time to answer quite a number of questions, as well as the time to read the very informative discussion of your lifestyle afterwards. Things went very well for me in the test, though there are a few lifestyle changes I simply need to make. Most of them are things I already do, but I simply need to do them more consistently: sunscreen, regular exercise, better sleep habits, better job spacing out meals/eating, and switching from coffee to tea as a daily drink. Maybe this particular web tool won't be a motivator for anyone else in the way it was for me to make those last few changes we know we need to make but are afraid to; but I hope there is something in your lives that will be.

Part 2: Some of the information they gave regarding fats & cholesterol, as well as a concern over my low HDL ("good cholesterol") finally induced me to investigate the phenomenon more. How could that level be low if I'm a vegetarian, and how could I raise it? Well, I couldn't have designed a better answer in my wildest dreams.: consume more alcohol & peanut butter. A wonderful and quite funny answer, but I found some amazing truths & history behind it.

The medical community has known for quite some time that a drink or two of alcohol a day has myriad health benefits, but has generally agreed that doctors could never get away with specifically endorsing the consumption of alcohol due to the dangers of alcoholism & overconsumption of alcohol. But the history of fat in this country is interesting as well: to summarize, our country developed a saturated fat scare some time ago, and decided to start offering unsaturated fats as an alternative. Unfortunately, the unsaturated fats would get rancid after just a few days, so they created the process of "hydrogenization," which created an entirely new substance, far worse than saturated fats ever were: trans-fatty acids, which have the double boner of both decreasing "good" (HDL) cholesterol and increasing the "bad" (LDL). And the substance was so simple, cheap, and useful (how does this relate to, like, half the posts Mixdorf & me have about the corporatization of the world?), that these major food manufacturers realized they could put it in nearly everything. The result is entire generations of people in this country destined to grow up fat and be at a great risk for heart disease.

Never before have I been so commited to staying away from processed foods. Rather than a "nameless fear," I now know the facts behind hydrogenization. Who knows what yet uncovered dangers are lurking in our society's addiction to "nutrasweet" (what the hell?) and many other substitutes for natural ingredients? Sure, I'll have a lapse here and there, but I know what I need to do and why.

This is a post of links and links and links. So I will not seek out the link to the recent MPR story about a group of people in northern MN that agreed, for one year, to only buy products that were produced within 250 miles of where they lived (with just a few exceptions: coffee, salt, etc). But it was pretty cool. Benefits are that products locally produced are often in a more natural state, support local economies, and require less energy consumption due to the decreased need transportation. If you can incorporate this practice into your lifestyle in whatever measure is within your means, the effects are only good, good, good; for yourself and the rest of society.

OMB Lite and The Haunted World of Edward D. Wood

First things first: in a harsh dose of something, I consumed a can of Old Milwaukee's Best over Christmas weekend. The review is here.

Also, last night I saw one of the best-made documentaries I have ever seen. I rented The Haunted World of Edward D. Wood, Jr., about the man generally regarded as the worst commercial film director of all time. I believe that many of the amazing, interesting phenomena in this world are as the result of one kind or another of "perfect storms;" people and circumstances coming together in the only possible combination that would result in the unique event in question. This documentary is a perfect example of just one such phenomenon: the career and filmography of Wood. How did he get continued funding? How did he manage to assemble the players, some of them of some previous regard in the industry? The documentary is very obviously having fun with what, in reality, is a fairly tragic figure (Wood), through clever assembling of interview quotes from those who knew him, as well as scenes from his mind-blowingly bad films. But, somewhere in there, it manages to impart a touching sort of sentimentality (to me, anyway) with respect to all the people & projects involved.

Included on the disc is also the re-release of his first film ever: The Streets of Laredo. Definitely looking forward to that. Then, off to add Glen or Glenda? to the queue.

My Haul and Recap

With the somewhat vague request of "classy chess set," Sharon got me this awesome, hand-made set from Poland, with pieces based on the Staunton-design. I'm starting right out displaying it in my living room, risking the Lucy factor. I've just made it clear to her that, if she wants to touch a piece, she has to hold it gently, only set it down right-side-up (felt-lined on the bottom), and only touch one piece at a time, etc. She has remarkable self-control for a tot, so I trust her on this. Plus, I broke out the old chess set with faux-wooden pieces and partical-chessboard for Lucy's to have her own set and we played a few "matches" (she's learning horses can jump, pawns are tiny so they only move one square, etc.) One of the early matches ended with about six prime pieces on my knees (what you get for telling her a rook can "go anywhere in a straight line," etc).

Other than that, the most relaxing Christmas weekend in Waterloo in recent memory. The two other gifts I got was an item I already own (which is nothing new) from my brother, and a shirt (birthday present from my mom & dad), which is also nothing new. All that and a candle from Lucy. I shared a beer and some good laughs with Cory, stuffed myself at the 2nd annual family trip to Bishop's, enjoyed the candlelight service at my old church quite a bit, and (hopefully) made Christmas an experience of utmost wonder and joy for my little girl.

Everyone Else in Southpark

Thanks for a tip by Aaron on this fun one.

I decided to go with earlier versions for Gibbons & me, who may have had slightly more distinct and predictable appearances in their younger years...

Merry Christmas!

Travel Photo Candidates...

I'm going to be sending these photos to the Minneapolis Star Tribune for consideration in a weekend travel series where they will feature amateur photographers' candid shots of landscapes or locals. I can submit up to three. Hope you enjoy these possible candidates-any that anyone would recommend in particular?

Slide Show

3rd Favorite TV Series: Time-Life Infomercials!!!

Not sure when it started: was it the romantic collection being sold by that couple in front of the roaring fireplace where the lady pushes the man away and says, "These songs really bring out the animal in some people!" or was it "Freedom Rock?"

No matter; what matters is that they are Time-Life infomercials for collections of classic popular music, and I love them. Time-Life's dream customer? Hardly; I'm they're biggest nightmare. With not a chance in Hell that I will actually buy one of these multi-disc sets, I say, "screw four payments of $29.99!" What really fascinates me is this rare video footage that shows what these artists looked like in their original era & environment. Where did they get all this insanely interesting footage? How come there were all these videos that preceded MTV by, like, 10 years? How is this possible? And how can I find it? Nowhere, except at 12:30 a.m. on the WB.

Eight-year-old Michael Jackson; how beautiful, his physical features! Gilbert O'Sullivan, scarf-swaddled, afro-ed & looking for all the world like a despondent nephew of Dr. Who, just as you'd expect! Cheesy jokes from original episodes of Hee Haw or Dean Martin's Celebrity Roasts!! I can't get enough! I cycle through this shit until I'm seeing the same footage twice, still sitting criss-cross, applesauce and stuffing peanut butter and jelly sandwiches into my face; hours until I need to be up for work well under six and still dwindling.

Just needed to get that all off my chest.

Be at Peace, My Girl

It is finally over. The vet and her assistant visited our home a little while ago, and Kuña-i was allowed to slip away peacefully on the couch, among loved ones.

It seems that, sensing something, she has been even more fargone the last couple of days since we made the decision-exhibiting a few behaviors that have been uncharacteristic for the dog that we've known all these years. We've spent the last couple of days giving her all the affection we could, and trying prepare Lucy as much as possible for the fact that there will no longer be a gentle, furry friend to receive her hugs and attention.

Today, we were crying throughout the procedure but it was an amazingly comforting feeling, at the end, to realize I wasn't feeling guilty at all about the decision; just sad. Unbelievably sad, but quite secure, finally, that we've absolutely made the right call. We had the opportunity to kiss and touch all our favorite warm and fuzzy places, assure her that she is and will always be loved, and send her gently into the soft and fading light.

Below is a slideshow we put together this last summer, when we originally thought she would not survive the week. Last night, I took and added a single photo at the end that may or may not give much indication of the extent of her physical decline over the last number of months.

Please take a moment to look through the years of joy with our amazing companion. Remembering my girl

Finally Near the End of the Line

We have finally reached the point where we feel putting Kuña-i down is in her best interests. We have continued to bear this enormous burden of 300 ml subqutaneous fluid injections twice a day (Sharon) and cleaning up poop and/or pee in the kitchen basically every morning after waking up and every night after returning home (me) since the end of summer, in addition to the expense of it all (>$300/month for fluids, boarding, bi-monthly bloodwork). Combining that with multiple rounds of sickness in our family as well as that crazy eight-day power outage and accompanying storm damage recovery has made for a very stressful fall.

And to some, it may seem crazy that we have hung onto this dog that is blind, senile, suffering from total kidney failure, and less than half her body weight of a year ago; like we've hung onto her far beyond what would have been an obvious decision to end it all this last August. Are we among that group of insane pet lovers that would see their own pet suffer rather than make the painful decision to let go? We've wrestled with that question constantly, but have, to this point, always come to the conclusion that we just simply cannot observe any obvious signs of suffering. Her quality of life has definitely been diminished-and it's been hard for us to watch this lovable, energetic creature become a slow-moving, "lost" thing that is generally unresponsive to our affection. A "sight hound" (that once could race at 35 mph and catch a rabbit on a dead run) that can no longer see or run? A cruel irony; but dogs (and people) do not generally get the dignity of going out gracefully. Through lack of protein intake (she's barely eating), her muscles have deteriorated to the point that she is beginning to have a lot of trouble going down the steps to the back landing, and sometimes quivers a bit while standing. She also has no bulk left to protect her from the winter air. And it is the beginnings of this actual, verifiable discomfort that has finally pushed us to make the difficult call. It feeds into the equation that we would like to preserve some amount of her dignity (before she gets to the point of doing things like defacating in her own bed), as well as (whether we wish to think this is part of the equation or not) the fact that we just can't keep this up and retain our sanity.

It also might seem kind of crazy that we're doing this just days before Christmas, but we are faced with either doing that, or putting her into boarding for three days, which we're not sure she could survive. I am hoping some of the fellowship and warmth following holiday season can help us to remember her better years. God, it's been getting harder and harder to do that, the more we have been living with this miserable, pitiful thing that was once so vital, strong, and joyful.

So, the vet will be visiting tomorrow at 11 am, and administer an injection at our home, so she can die peacefully in our company (also another reason to plan this rather than have her unexpectedly suffer and die alone). Not sure whether I will come back in after that. Sharon's going to take the entire day off-I'm leaning towards doing that, as well. In any event, look for the Kuña-i "My Girl" slide show commemoration to go out at some point tomorrow.

A Performance Long Overdue and Holiday Classics

A report on The Honeymooners' performance on Friday night: it went off great. We had a pretty big turnout and the songs seemed to go about as well as could have been expected. Biggest challenge was the busy hands and can't-help-himself attitude of a particular five-year-old nephew that couldn't stay away from our equipment, from tuners to mic stands (even in the midst of our songs). But he's at all my coffee-shop shows, and playing through that particular distraction is something to which I've grown somewhat accustomed.

People seemed to genuinely enjoy the music; and among a number of nice comments we got after the show, the best one came from the co-owner of the establishment, Phil, who remarked that it"...turned my day around. It was a really nice ending to a not-so-great beginning to the day" (referring, of course, to the robbery). We got a pretty decent recording of the performance, upon which I have already experimented with some nice track-splitting software I discovered (called CDwave). I think I may be finally ready to put to bed my fears of being a technically below average guitarist. I was not formally trained, and I think my lack of knowledge about notes & scales on the guitar, coupled with a reluctance to really do much in the way of finger-picking for many years, led to this lack of confidence. Fact is, there are plenty of things an accomplished finger-picker can do that I cannot; and there are plenty of things that the quintessential rock n' roll "lead guitarist" can do that I cannot. But through my 15 or so odd years of playing guitar, I have certainly developed my own style of play, that would be difficult for many other guitar players to duplicate. The guitar feels natural in my hands, and if there's something I want to make it do, I can usually make it co-operate (even if it maybe takes 15-20 "takes" to get a flawless guitar solo down for a recording).

On the second topic, I'd like to offer a quick report on some Holiday Classic viewing. As a little background, I recently checked out a three-episode set of a relatively unknown British comedy, "Father Ted," about these three Irish priests that serve on a barren, craggy, obscure Bristish isle; and their various misadventures. Very funny at times; enough so that I picked up the next set of episodes, this time a collection of two holiday-oriented ones under the title, "A Christmasy Ted." Got through most of the first one last night-very funny, though I started nodding off towards the end.

We also rented "Scrooged." I had never seen the movie, though Sharon had seen it in college, I think, and had put it on our "to rent" list long ago. We got through about 90% the other night before a meltdown by Lucy (who's feeling a little under-the-weather) sent me scrambling upstairs for the night. We'll finish it, but we were both quite mutually agreed that the movie (or Sharon, at least) had suffered from a fairly significant episode of what we refer to as the "Facts of Life Syndrome." Sharon had these very fond memories of watching, and enjoying, "The Facts of Life" as a youth, and received a reality shock when she had the opportunity of catching an episode as an adult and it was revealed to her as the crap it really was.

Other notables instances of "The Facts of Life" syndrome that we have experience: "The Superfriends," "Night Court," "Get Smart," (to a lesser extent) "Top Secret."

Those movies/shows that have, in defiance of my expectations, avoided the "FOLS:" "Heaven Can Wait," "The Andy Griffith Show."

Anyway-long and the short of it: there's a lot of really great holiday classics out there, and I do not number "Scrooged" among them. If you want a really great original version of "A Christmas Carol," I urge you to watch the George C. Scott version from 1984. Moments from this incredibly well-written and still very relevant story are brought to life on the screen in goosebump-raising fashion, including the overall message, as summarized by the ghost of Marley in these words:

Mankind should have been my business! The common welfare should have been my business!! Charity, mercy, forebearance, and benevolence all should have been my business!!"

Good stuff.

A Damper on the Christmas Season

Camden Coffee Company was robbed at gunpoint this morning, minutes before I got there. The new ownership has begun opening at 6:00 am; a couple of their friends alternate the early morning hours (pre-9:00), but there's not very many people that stop in before 7:30 or so-me being one of the regulars.

When I got there this morning at 6:15 (only by chance-it would have been earlier but I stopped to get cash), Chris (the guy who was working) unlocked the door to let me in. He said: "You'll never guess what just happened..." A guy had come in a few minutes earlier, pointed a gun at him, emptied the cash drawer and ordered him around the store while he searched various other places for loot. Chris was pretty freaked out-I stayed there till the cops came.

What a freaking bummer. It's not like you expect this sort of process going on in the head of the idiot-the fool-that would pull off something like this, but you just wonder how a person can not be thinking, "Hmm, what kind of neighborhood do I want to live in? Do I really want to drive the remaining few businesses away so that there's abandoned storefronts everywhere?" My theory has long held that even assholes don't want to live next door to other assholes (they would prefer to be the sole asshole), but how people can't then make the leap of logic to realize that we, in a community, are all connected-we all sink or swim together-is beyond my capacity to understand. It's things like this robbery that ultimately drives so many non-assholes to move away. What ends up left in blighted areas are poor people that can't afford to move out, and assholes; and people in more advantaged communities begin to confuse the two, and it becomes an ugly slope of flight-induced segregation.

Beyond my own home & family, the single institution I care most deeply about in my neighborhood is this coffee shop. I consider my regular and faithful patronage one of the best ways I have to contribute to my community, and I feel absolutely violated and furious. Interesting timing, too, as Sharon & I are doing our Honeymooners show there tonight. We are expecting a pretty large crowd to show, so maybe the owners can take some comfort in the solidarity. It probably wouldn't hurt if they started opening at 7:00 again, either.

The Grinch Who Stole Christmas

Interesting-we checked this book out from the library. It's just a little long to read as a bedtime story for Lucy right now (a surprising 40 pages or so), but I can page through and extract the most relevant stuff from it and use a combination of actual text and my paraphrasing that is tailored to Lucy's vocabulary & understanding. It's a technique that I use often in simply interpreting the big wide world for her, and then sometimes in stories that are intended for older audiences. Sometimes this "filter" can extract simple and beautiful truths that are either hidden or, as I found out in the case of "The Grinch," right there in front of you but something you aren't totally taking in due to the various other things grabbing your attention.

As I've mentioned before, I've struggled a bit with how we're going to handle this "household with Christian heritage that is not technically Christian" thing for awhile, especially with respect to Lucy; and considering the degree to which we plan to celebrate the various holidays that have a Christian origin. Well, last night we got to the page where the Grinch at the top of a cliff, preparing to give the sleigh a final push over the edge, but pauses a moment to listen back to Whoville in hopes of hearing "boo hoo." A lot-an awful lot of things & concepts going on at that moment, but this is how I essentially broke it down for my girl.

Remember, Loo? The Grinch took all their presents and Christmas trees and decorations and lights and candles and Christmas treats. It was not OK, but he did it anyway, because he wanted them to be sad. He wants to push the sleigh off the hill so everything will get broken because he wants them to be sad. But know what he hears when he listens, Loo? He hears singing! They're not sad, they're happy! Even though they don't have presents and Christmas trees and everything, they're happy! Because Christmas is a birthday party for Jesus! Jesus had lots of great ideas-he said we should all love each other and that we should not fight and we should not do bad things to anybody. We think those were great ideas and so we like to have a big birthday party for Jesus, and be nice to each other, get happy and sing!

Something like that, anyway. The story was over a page or two later, and Lucy was left sitting there, staring at the book with her lips kind of mouthing silent words (something she often does while concentrating). I've never seen her sit for so long, trying to get her head around something. Finally, I broke the silence:

Me: That's a lot to think about, isn't it, Loo?

Lucy: (silence...long pause) "Yeah... (another long pause) Let's talk about it.

So that became the topic of "let's talk about it" for the night, last thing before sleeping. Anyway, very special moments, very special night.

Goodbye to Sandra Dee

As the result of a recent personal revelation, I have decided to finally address a major personal character flaw, head-on. I have this overriding tendency to focus on my differences with other people, rather than finding common ground. Whether this manifests itself in the interaction itself (less often), or has me feeling out of place and frustrated (more often), I can't help myself from feeling like I will not find peace unless I make others understand the "errors of their ways" and convert them to my way of thinking. What a futile and negative way to approach the rest of my fellow monkeys!

I am far, far overdue in realizing that there is really almost no benefit to it whatsoever. I don't need to change my opinions or worldview one iota; I simply need to put my energies towards changing the world for the better in constructive ways (influencing people through how I live my life, if that is meant to be; putting time & effort & money into causes in which I believe; talking with people who invite open, constructive dialogue). I've done this before-for years I think I've been very "non-militant" about my vegetarianism, realizing that (with most people) I am dealing with a non-bridgable gap and that our society isn't that close to being ready for that discussion. As a result of my actions (inactions?), I have piqued the curiousity of a number of people through the years, who happen to learn of my diet incidentally. And I have been involved with a surprisingly large number of fruitful discussions with people who are not even close to my way of thinking about it. I'm hoping I can apply that approach much more broadly, to the majority of my views.

I drank a Leiney's Creamy Dark last night. With it, I offer now a belated toast to my buddies: "Here's to a happier Dan!"

Let the Festivities Begin!

We've listened to a little Christmas music at home, gotten out a few decorations, and are a few days into the advent calendar; but things really kick into high gear tonight with our 3rd annual attendance of our neighborhood's Holiday on 44th celebration.

Far more activities than we can hope to squeeze into the one and a half or so hours we'll be there, but we'll try to make sure and squeeze in pony rides, marshmallow roasting, and at least one ethnic dance performance. In the list of activities is also the Camden Civic Theatre players, reprising roles from our Mississippi River event; however, I will not be among them, having chosen to attend the festivities as a patron as opposed to participant.

Also on tap for this weekend:
- The first official meeting of the Camden Civic Theatre.
- The putting up & decorating of the tree.

BITTER cold

Time for northern men to move from reds to stouts.

More Leisure...

Despite the leaden weights of "The Ethical Lifestyle" hanging from my hips, I continue to scale Maslow's Pyramid.

Contributed my second review to beeradvocate.com: Leiney's Red, which I liked better than their Honey Weiss (I'm in the midst of a sampler pack).

Also saw about the first 45 minutes of Donovan's Reef, a comedy directed by John Ford, starring John Wayne, I think I'm ready for my John Wayne break now. God, was that awful. Unwatchable in the most literal sense. Part of a dark sort of period in comedic history in which older generations thought they were being "wacky," but which leaves the modern viewer (this one, anyway) stone-faced and shivering.

Sort of a pattern here in unrecommended possessives:
Hawkin's Breed.
Donovan's Reef.

The Price of the "Ethical Lifestyle"

So, a new topic that I feel I'd better say a few words about before it gets out of control, the way things can when they are discussed in the etherworld, without all the benefits of a face to face discussion.

It must seem to some people like there's nothing that can escape my cynicism and ire. Don't I approve of anything? Isn't it depressing being so cynical and depressing all the time? Well, the answers are "yes, I do" and "yes it is."

From my perspective: Over the last number of years, I have gone to great, sometimes painful, lengths in an attempt to lead a lifestyle that is relatively socially/environmentally conscious. Striking the delicate balance between making as small an ecological footprint as possible, and still affording oneself the opportunity to lead a lifestyle that incorporates some of the luxuries and conveniences that are standard for the middle classes in America is not easy. Nor is it always fun. Consider the inconvenience of packing an extra, meat-free lunch for Lucy while other parents are getting their kids into school and getting the standard food program meal. Consider mowing your lawn twice (in addition to at half-speed) using a reel-mower. Consider not being able to purchase a needed household supply because you have decided not to buy anything that is obviously excessively packaged. Consider the extra expense of trying to avoid additives & preservatives in your food. Consider not being able to eat or drink entire, enormous categories of food (e.g. Kraft, Miller) because you are aware of their business practices and don't approve. Consider going to a restaurant and having it be a foregone conclusion that there will be two or less items available to you on the menu. Or worse, attending a mandatory work-sponsored meal event where there are none. Or not being able to just put your kid in bed for the night and enjoy yourself because you've made a committment to the "family bed." Or trying to clean up after poop and pee every night using a homemade mixture of vinegar, lemon juice, and tea tree oil because you refuse to buy bleach. Or not being able to use TV as a babysitter. Or having to wade through emails from a handful of environmental/political organizations every night trying to decide on which you might take some political action, because you'd feel like a hypocrite if you didn't at least read them. Or paying an extra $8 a month to ensure your electricity is wind-power. And on and on and on and fucking on.

Let me tell you, brother. The "ethical lifestyle" ain't all that easy. And very often, it's a pain in the fucking ass. And for what? Do I have any evidence that I've made a difference? Look at our government. Our world. And what sort of accolades & credit will I get? If I care to share my fringe beliefs with the world at large, I would, for the most part, face scorn, ostracization, and ridicule; as well as a reaction of "your shit doesn't stink," which appears to be the reaction I have finally elicited from my good friend, T-Clog.

I have generally tried to show similar restraint in these matters as I have (or hope to have) shown in not being all "militant" about my vegetarianism all these years. I have tried to share my beliefs & concerns about the world with my friends, without being all preachy. Maybe I've failed. But understand that, for all this blood, sweat, and tears, I don't have much of an outlet for this topic that takes an amazing amount of my time and effort. If I can't share my experiences with my friends, what have I got left?

Believe me that it is not my intent to shame, judge, or preach. Maybe to inform (though that sounds condescending-I only mean if there's something I feel really well-versed on) and share my own experiences.

Addicted to the Shuffle!

The iTunes version, that is. Not the dance.

A few times it has crossed my mind how a wild theme for an upcoming Coalescence issue would be a random 10 shuffle songs off one of our libraries. But, since themes are already in a line around the corner for my next few volumes, I decided it would be fun to just make a record of songs that come up, from time to time, during some of my shuffle ventures. So yesterday, I decided (obviously, with no prior knowledge of what would come up) to jot down the next 10.

Shuffle Volume 1
1. Steeplejack: Panning for Gold (one of only three good songs-the only three I loaded-from "Flywheel Sampler II"
2. Tiny Dancer: Elton John
3. Don't Give Up: Peter Gabriel
4. Typical Situation: Dave Matthews Band
5. Annabelle Wockingsword Lee: Pat and Dan
6. Howidied: Illyah Kuryahkin
7. Just the Same Way: Journey
8. Take it Easy: The Eagles
9. Edelweiss: The Captain and Maria
10. Am I Losing You?: Jim Reeves

Not too fuckin' shabby. I've said it before and I'll say it again; "It's like the best radio station in the universe!!!"

In the Wee Hours

The movies from my new attempt to use the Hennepin County Library as my personal, free, Netflix have begun to roll in. In combination with the wonderful Robbinsdale store, Video Universe, I am seeking out movies clearly in one of two categories: those to watch in Sharon's company, and those which she doesn't care to see. In the past three days, I have seen two of the former.

Movie 1: Shepherd of the Hills (1941: Dir. Henry Hathaway) This is part of my attempt to cover a chronological history of John Wayne's 4-star movies. I had to skip The Dark Command, which I wanted to see, but which is not available at either of my two sources (currently not existing on DVD at all-only VHS and Laser Disc). It was a bit of a departure from the traditional Wayne western, with him playing a somewhat normal young man from a freaky mountain family with a blood-veneange on a long-lost, estranged father (played by Harry Carey-the original one). I thought it was OK, but not great. I may make my Wayne project a long, long, long one (as in, taking breaks between movies). I get the sense I could get burned out pretty quick. But I will say I think, all "legend" status aside, I think he's a bit of a critically underrated actor.
Movie 2: Soylent Green (1973: Dir. Richard Fleischer) Starring Charlton Heston, this movie has become a parody of itself, with an oft-repeated famous line at the end that I will not utter here, on the unlikely chance that a reader both is not familiar with it and wants to see the film. I will say that I was quite surprised by both the lack of campiness and the overall cinematic quality of the film. It was quite well put together, very compelling, and very effective in drawing me into both the message and theme. If you are one of the "uninitiated" few mentioned above, careful about researching very much about this movie, as the original trailer and just about all information you can get about this movie pretty much give you too much information, probably ultimately spoiling the climax. The brief summary, from imdb, is
It's the year 2022... People are still the same. They'll do anything to get what they need. And they need SOYLENT GREEN.
But that doesn't really do the setting or plot justice whatsoever.
One more thing on this movie: Charleton Heston is what he is. He may be a nut, but he really is not a bad actor; not at all. He had this quality of acting in a manner that isn't all that realistic, but which (I think) is carried by his strength of his personality and style. It seems very arbitrary which actors from history are loved for this quality (Jimmy Stewart, Humphrey Bogart, Cary Grant) and which are ridiculed (Wayne, Charleton Heston, William Shatner).

And what better way to watch a film than with a sudsy brew in one hand? I have decided to finally start officially documenting my preferences and trek through the World Beer Tour on www.beeradvocate.com. I choose to do no beers from memory, as I'd like to be writing down my thoughts as I consume a bottle (and, as "appearance" figures into the review, I will be committing at least one bottle from every pack to consumption after being poured into a mug). I recently bought a Leinenkugel sampler pack to start the endeavor; check out my first review, of their Honey Weiss. Check back soon for Leiney's Red, which I'm liking better.

The First Brood

I am here today to talk about the subject of the first generation of CDs in my collection. I may stand alone among my friends in that I had my first player (and thus, CDs) when I was 16 years old. Most of us would like to think we are not accountable for decisions made at that age, and in viewing that past version of myself, I consider the notion particularly applicable.

How, then, do we consider those CDs when we are evaluating our own music collections? There have actually been a couple of instances in which I have thinned out my collection, just a bit. I'd rather not have a disc at all, rather than have the dead weight of music that just doesn't do it for me at and and of which I'll probably never have another enjoyable listen. But what about the CDs that, although you would never buy them again, you hang onto due to either because you don't find the music entirely vile or as a result some hopeless notion that you just might be in a certain mood someday when the songs will work the same magic as they did when you first bought the disc in 1986? In 1986, indeed, was my first CD purchase: Chicago 16 which, incidentally, did not make the first cut of the aforementioned "thinning out." But what about the ones that have survived a couple of cuts and still remain, but largely languish, in my media storage shelves to this day? They are easy enough to spot. The once-clear jewel cases are now somewhat cloudy and transluscent, with a multitude of tiny scratches. And the CDs themselves are all plain black text on disc-manufacturing had not gotten sophisticated enough for 4-color printing directly on the disc face. The artist roster is solid enough; at least, in terms of how their music endures; though if I were to make a list of the CDs from that first brood that have since fallen by the wayside and are no longer in my collection, it would read like a list of upcoming episodes for VH-1's "Behind the Music." Or some "Where Are They Now?" segment in a magazine.

Some "notables" from this First Brood that still remain (I may have some "Second Brood" ones in there, but these are the few that remain and that I recall:

• Hall & Oates: Rock & Soul Part One (I've been waiting about 19 years now for Part Two!!! Not really...)
• Eric Clapton: Timepieces
• Journey: Raised on Radio
• Aerosmith: Permanent Vacation
• Billy Joel: Greatest Hits (2-cd set)
• Rod Stewart: Out of Order (honest to God, not sure why that one's still there. May not make the next cut)
• Thompson Twins: Greatest Mixes (would be a lot better if it was just "Greatest Hits")

What a funny collection of music!

Dear God...

The passing of the 15-month old son of a close friend of Aaron's. I cannot imagine having such optimism & resilience if such a similar unthinkable event happened in my family, but we all must and do grieve in our own ways. Please, drop in on the blog, shed a few tears like me, and offer your condolences. In the midst of awfulness, the outpouring of love & sympathy from strangers across the blogosphere is quite heartening...

Well, We've Done Everything We Can Do

I'm of increasing belief that, for all the talk of steadfastness, the Bush administration is going to find a way to "cut and run" sometime before his term is up. It's bad on so many levels:
1. The thing that is awful and scary as much as anything else, is how much history is repeating itself. Our history after WWII, unfortunately, is of meddling in the affairs of people on the other ot the globe and them leaving them up shit creek with a turd for a paddle. What happend to the Kurds has been noted a few times in the past few years, but so often, people forget about the near genocide for which we were almost entirely responsible with the Hmoung people who so courageously and heroically risked their lives assisting our troops in Vietnam, only to be left helpless and unaided after we withdrew. Anyone who has a problem with their immigration to our country needs to remember that we owe them lots.
2. The other thing for which I am now "calling my shot" is how our withdrawal will coincide with a PR blitz by the right wing and all it's subservient talking heads about how "our job is done," with no shred of credible evidence that it is, indeed, the case. Expect this turn of events to begin unfolding in the early spring. This administration has shown no hesitancy to have a policy of purporting absolute contradictions to reality, and a certain segment of the population is more than happy to eat it all up. The rest of the world will NOT eat it up. Our credibility is nearly shot and I'm afraid this will be the nail in the coffin. Iraq is not close, not close to being able to counter the "insurgency" and maintain a stable, democratic government on their own. I fear for the Iraqi people (think all those people with "Liberate Iraq" signs really care about the well-being of the Iraqi people for one minute?). And I fear for our nation's standing in the world, as well as for our safety. The damage wrought by this adminstration will take years and years to undo. Perhaps generations.

The End of the Album?

Gibbs & I had a nice discussion yesterday that turned, of course, to my current iTunes craze. I was mentioning a few sort of "house rules" I have developed as I import my CD collection; and one is that I never add a "Greatest Hits" version of a song for which there is a duplicate on one of my albums. I have stated before that I wish I had far fewer "Greatest Hits" collections, and that it's just not my style of buying music in recent years.

I must say, however, that my newfound love of the iTunes Shuffle has got me thinking more and more about the whole concept the "standalone single." Gibbs actually ventured not only that we are witnessing the fracturing of "the album," but that future generations may look back at the concept of "the album" as a curiosity. I'm not sure I entirely buy that, as there are still a number of artists out there with the need to craft a collection of cohesive songs, and a number of people who yearn to listen to the same. However, it is a simple reality that, in all the thousands of years of music, the album has really only seen its heyday from the 1960s on. Everything else, ever: singles (albeit, there have been Operas, Symphonies, etc.)

Summary of what I take from the discourse: I will remain primarily an album guy, but I will no longer diminish the value of the individual, stand-alone single.

Big O at the Udupi Cafe

So, Sharon's birthday was yesterday, on Thanksgiving, so we celebrated as a nuclear family the night before. Given her choice of any restaurant at which to eat, she chose the Udupi Cafe.

Indian cuisine has been skyrocketing up our list of preferred ethnic food choices, and I have to say that this restaurant is far and away my favorite in town (though, admittedly, we've only been to four or five). This is actually the one that Mixdorf & I ate at during his visit last summer. It's a pure vegetarian menu; which, for vegetarians accustomed to hunting for only three or four vegetarian options on a given menu at traditional restaurants, the variety seems mind-boggling.

I am continuing to expand my horizons. It's been difficult to make the break away from Paneer (the primary style of cheese used in Indian food), but I have been utterly rewarded for my uncharacteristic adventurousness. We began the meal with Garlic Paratha (whole wheat bread stuffed with garlic), and some lentil patties for Lucy. With everything, you are given your choices of three or four dipping sauces so that by the time they accumulate through an appetizer and three meals, you have 12 little bowls scattered about on the table. A little overkill, there, but we felt free to dip gratuitously with no fear of running out of anything. I, then, ordered Onion Masala Dosai , which was a rice crepe with onion topping filled with potatoes and onions and cooked in butter.

Great Mother of Pearl, but I nearly had an orgasm eating that fine dish! The crepe was light, flaky, and crispy and tasted like the crust of a pot pie nand-made by God. And the filling was hearty, perfectly spiced, and immensely delicious. To wash it down I had a lemon soda-fresh lemon squeezed into club soda and sweetened. Even that was rich and full-much more strong and deeply satisfying than I expected. Wow. We're trying to keep eating-out excursions under control, so I'm not sure when we'll be back there next; but whatever the date is it cannot come soon enough.

We are considering experimenting around with cooking Indian food at home, but I'm somewhat leery of both the difficulty and eventual success (or lack thereof). I'm just thinking there'd be a major shift from the types of spices & other "staples" that we usually have on hand. In any event, I very much look forward to visiting this restaurant with anyone who chances to visit me next and would like to go there.

ed. note: No Udupi cafe in Winona.

Anti-Consumer in a Technophile's Body

(ed. note: I intended to make this one of my customary brief essays on a topic that had been mulling around in my head. Reading back after it was written, I think some interesting topics came up, but that it seemed more like a ramble that didn't lead anywhere. Sorry)

Only one of the very many contradictions that makes up my being, but one about which I feel the urge to speak a few words.

In high school or thereabouts, I think I would have been placed in that category of consumer that is referred to in the retail world as "The Early Adopter." My parents were around my current age during the height of what could be referred to as the "age of modern convenience," or that period of time where we erred just a bit on the side of technology. Breast milk bad-formula good. Antibiotics for everything. Crop dusting. Indeed, it was "better living through science" that quickly and decisively won us the Pacific arena of WWII and, mad scientist character in Sci-Fi movies notwithstanding, our country was more than happy to embrace a technological advance in any form. I will say that I think we, as a society, have stepped back from the brink a bit, but may be still just a little too ready to embrace those aspects of science that appease our yearning for instant gratification to the exclusion of another very important aspect of science, which is testing and long-term study.

That's getting a bit off point, however. What I'm getting to is that I personally "stepped back from the brink" sometime late in college. While I continued to build on my music collection somewhat steadily through the years, the only new technology adoptions have been a 19 inch TV (in 1996, to replace the 13 inch that died), a DVD player, and a car CD player, last year. Of course none of them necessary, but all relatively basis components of a early-21st centruy "wired" individua in the first world. I've not always succeeded, but I've striven to live the "less is more" philosophy; made more difficult because of this trait that was nurtured in me combined with working at the premier Technology Made Fun retailer in the world, but maybe a little easier with money never having flowed particularly generously into my bank account.

Moderation may really be the key, here. There are lots of possessions and clutter in all our lives that are simply not necessary. But it may well be that, even while I'm striving to make various aspects of my life and house a little simpler, a 32" letterbox-format TV and set of wireless computer speakers (for listening to my iTunes collection in various parts of the house) are important-enough reflections of my taste in lifestyle that they do justify purchase (to the extent that any luxury item in our society can "justify" such a thing) . Not that I have money for either at this particular time...

Making the Crossover: Tonight at 7:30 CST

I will be appearing in my first dramatic (e.g. non-comedic) role in at least the past 16 years tonight at the Patrick Henry Theatre in North Minneapolis. This is my second play with the emerging Camden Civic Theatre, and I am playing the role of Joe Summers in Shirley Jackson's "The Lottery."

In this day and age, where people's sensitivities seem to get disturbed by all manner of daily affronts (all the while, the number of violent & vile images increases daily on their TVs), I am expecting a little shock and maybe even an unpleasant reaction from at least some of the audience to this quite dark play. Anticipating this, we will be doing a Q & A with the audience after the show in an effort to put the story and message in context.

My character is kind of the "head-man" of a small, rural village. Most likely one of the wealthiest figures in town, he holds a position of power and influence and coordinates the yearly "lottery." I really step outside of myself for the part (I hope). I play him, hopefully not over-the-top, as a smarmy, smiley gladhander that is aware that everyone in town works hard for a living so he doesn't have to. I pretty much model him after some sort of amalgam of my least favorite politicians. One scene I particularly enjoy is when he has a little argument, apart from the rest of the villagers, with his sister who resents and preaches against town tradition.

The promise of good theatre sponsored by Community Education should be enough to drag everyone away from the Vikings-Packers Monday Night game for a couple of hours, don't you think?

Understanding the various reasons my readers can't attend, I wish you all could be there.

Where it All Goes Down

www.brightwatermontessori.org

Lucy's school has a nice, new, and revamped website. You can get a pretty good idea of what the Montessori philosophy is all about by reading the Main Page & About Montessori sections. It really, point by point, is in philosophical line with the beliefs Sharon & I have about childraising. Obviously, as with any type of education, a lot depends on how well the schoo/teachers interpret and enact the theories, but we feel they do a great job at Brightwater.

You can see the really cool classrooms (all kid-sized things, no plastic or "commercial" stuff) in Program Descriptions, and you can also see busy little Lucy (background, in yellow) working away in the top picture.

In 2004, it's a Slam Dunk. Now? Hmmm...

Think Bush is gonna make any headway on his new full-time strategy: attacking those who said he misled the country?

Seems to be critical whether people buy the two lies:

1. They (Democratic Senators) had access to the same info as Bush.
2. The vote was to go to war (as opposed to give the President authorization to go to war, so that he would have more leverage in getting Iraq to let the inspectors to their work).

This is the classic sort of "controlling the message" situation the Republicans have excelled at in recent years. Very simple, memorable lies for their talking points. The refuting of the lies is wordy and nuanced.

However, the President hasn't had many successes in the past number of months. 57% of the people in this country believe he misled them and Republican Senators & Representatives that could have been counted on to fall in line are thinking of their own political futures. How does this play out?

To Quote a Wise Man: Craptastic

The windy, snow-blown scene in Minneapolis this morning.

Parent-Teacher Conferences

So funny to be on the "parent" end of the legendary Parent Teacher conferences. And also very exciting. So many hours of the day, many days, we're not able to see what she's up to. How does she interact with others of her age? What sort of developmental change do they see at school and how does it compare with home? And so on and so forth.

Actually, one of the most interesting things for us-especially as first time parents- is to see what sorts of behavior are kind of standard for toddlers across the board, and which are unique to her emerging little personality. According to the administrator of the school & primary toddler instructor, Ann, here are the things that Lucy loves: art and all sorts of fine motor skills, nature and the outdoors, books, and talking & telling stories. One of the things she also talked about at some length is Lucy's independence. In Ann's words, Lucy is "resistant to adult suggestion." Of course, that is a very common trait for toddlers, but Ann believes this is going to be a trait Lucy carries with her for the rest of her life. She resists doing anything that she did not, herself, decide to do. She's very specific about her preferences and, though she gets along with other kids, does not position herself in the hiearchy as either a leader or a follower; she prefers to work alone and accomplish things on her own. Obviously, how this trait manifests itself at home can be frustrating at times-as daily rituals such as naptime or getting ready for bed become classic battles of wit and will, but there is much to appreciate there, in a trait that I see as positive, if nurtured and kept within bounds. Some of her greatest creativity comes in her delaying and manipulating tactics when trying to avoid "getting with the program." Man, oh man, as I look back at my own history as a kid who went to the sick room EVERY DAY OF FIRST GRADE in an attempt to stay home at school. Man, do I see myself (and Sharon) in her. And I know where she's coming from. I'd rather her be Pippi Longstockings than John Cusak's love interest in "Say Anything" any day of the week.

Anyway, a very enjoyable and fascinating conference, overall. The teachers seem to be such fans of hers. And, as we were talking for a little about what a positive experience Montessori has been for Lucy so far and how intent we are on keeping her in that environment (especially in light of my own experience of being utterly, totally turned off by school), Ann remarked that she "couldn't imagine Lucy in a traditional school."

Fascinating-FASCINATING!

Ingafunis

Including much forest football, a few beers, a trip to Pizza Hut, and a single glaring incident of buffoonery, there was little that happened down at camp this last weekend that could be considered unexpected. But it was defniitely a good time.

On orders from The Clogger, I was down to camp by 9 am Saturday morning. That meant getting up at 4:20 after having guests over till late on Friday night and not going to bed till 12:45. Additionally, that was after having gone to bed post-12:00 am every night the previous week. So I came into camp a little bleary-eyed. Unbelievably, I had held off from a coffee purchase until Waverly. No Twin Cities coffee shops are open at the hour in which I left town, but there is nothing but gas stations and Perkins-clones the entire distance between the F.O.B. and destination. Around Mason City I started struggling a bit, but thoughts of that one funky, ethnic coffee shop we all had stopped in for our last visit kept me truckin'. I was very disappointed when it wasn't there where I expected it to be upon my arrival. I stopped at a place called "Higher Grounds" just across from the Wartburg campus, but their coffee was kept in those giant gas-station-style warmers and they served it in a styrofoam cup. Predictably, it tasted pretty shitty. But enough about coffee.

I rolled into camp at 9:00 on the fucking dot. Reminded me of how on-time I used to be for everything, especially trips, pre-Sharon. Cory had already set up at the cabin (Arrow-the one farthest from HQ that overlooks the big ridge). We loaded supplies into the cabin. Perhaps due to extreme tiredness, I had forgotten my camera (rats-no movies to be made nor no pictures to be took). But I did bring two bottles of October ale and four bottles of Winter Ale to help us ring in the fall Equinox. I also brought a fishing pole and a single weedless spoon lure. We then wasted no time in tramping on down to the confluence of Wikota Creek & the Cedar where we cast a few in. I should have brought my logless lure, however, as I was hung up and lost the damned thing after about six casts. I then borrowed a lure from Cory and lost that on the very first cast. That was enough for me. Cory didn't lose a lure, but caught no more fish then me. We then kind of just pulled up and kicked down at that spot for awhile. Next to the pine forest; and perhaps instead of the pine forest, ever since its thinning-out; this is my favorite spot at camp. It's a great flyover for migrating birds-and we saw a few. Cory spotted a great blue heron nest, and we just watched clouds roll overhead as we sat there in t-shirts in the unbelievably warm November day. As planned, we had a nice and in-depth conversation about religion. Neither of us probably giving the other much more information that has been given before, but rolling our various thoughts into as concise-a package as we could. I think it ends with the "irreconcilable difference" being our take on the Salvation. A couple things I was probing for were "do you think non-Christians go to hell" and "how did you arrive where you're at, belief-wise," and (not that he was on trial or anything) I think Cory addressed them to my satisfaction. In his focus & comittment to exploring his faith, I challenged him to become a self-educated "professor of theology;" to read texts and explore other faiths in an effort to understand the context and history of his own religion. It will probably meet success like my encouraging of Mighty Tom to get back into the field of natural resources, but hey-I'm the self-appointed life-coach of my friends-it's what I do.

We then headed back to the cabin and got the rock for a couple of hours of forest football. Generally good stuff, with a couple of amazing 4th-down tosses by me (including a 40-yarder that threaded a couple of trees to get to Cory, waiting around the corner of a path). We also discovered a box of tiles over at the archery range and took a few shots at exploding individual ones we set up on a fence. A little destructive and pointless, perhaps, but thoroughly irresistable.

Then off to Waverly for pizza. Only remarkable thing about that is how we restrained ourselves and went with a single medium pizza (in addition to the family order of breadsticks). Then, heading back through town-with some rain starting to come down and me desperately needing a cup of coffee (I ended up drinking very little of the cup I'd had earlier), Cory noticed a place. We went in and: LO! BEHOLD! It was that funky place, after all, in a new, downtown location. We had a nice conversation with the lady, and Cory even bought an overpriced (but tasty) cup of hot chocolate, and may have had a moment of truly appreciating the case of the small, locally-owned single proprietorship, as she explained that she's just not getting business. Unfortunately, an African-themed world cafe just isn't bringing in those white-bread Wartburg business administration majors. I do think she'll make it over time, though...

Then it was back to camp for a game of "who drops the ball," which Cory won-even disregarding the single controversial decision that would have brought me closer. Then it was off on a late afternoon, early evening hike with the weather threatening. This is the one where we hopped a fence or two and went along the creek. When we emerged (and really-Cory's got to take the majority of blame for this-I had no clue where we were and he knew exactly), we were far, far out of camp property. While hiking back in its general direction, we were met with the heil of "Would you mind telling me what the fuck you're doing out here?" The big buffoonery. We were walking right under the tree stand of a hunter that had been watching us for a long, long time. He may have stretched the truth of the degree to which we screwed up his hunt, but we definitely didn't help him. As much as it may have been Cory getting us into the mess, all credit to him for one of the most classic exchanges in history. When he demanded our names, Cory said, "Cory...what's yours?" to which the guy had no alternative but to give him his: "Dave." After we were on a first-name basis, things were diffused considerably, and we gave him profuse apologies and he pointed us in the right direction (which Cory already knew). When I look back and consider that we were walking around, not in blaze-orange, on private forest land a week into the deer-hunting season in a northeast Iowa forest, it may have been the dumbest thing either Cory or me has done in recent memory-maybe ever. I think my illicit fence-hopping days are over. It was after that (or before that, I don't remember) when we stopped by the top of Challenge Hill. Nice view over the river bottoms, and I took the Challenge upon myself and sprinted, as much as one can sprint up loose sand, all the way up. Cory took on the challenge of talking to his wife yet a third time in the day-good Lord does the man call home a lot!

Back to camp again and a decision about whether to head to town (yet again!) for supper. It'd been a late lunch, and tornado warnings/watches were abounding. We ended up deciding we'd be super hungry late at night if we didn't go in, so we did. We brought back a sub for me, & some Hardees for Johnny Seedcorn. Found out the worst of the weather would miss us, got the fire going, & played some chess (which I won). We listened to some Cyclones (Cory's idea) and some music (my idea), and talked to 12'4" of Pat. Talked some more, and off to bed.

Next morning, we had exchanged minds. Cory was up early and ready to go out for a hike. I was snuggled in my sleeping bag complaining about the cold. We ended up getting caught in a conversation by the long-winded, but great, ranger. Tossed the football a few more times, and headed into town for, perhaps, the worst small-town diner in which I've ever eaten. The "cheese omlette" consisted of a couple of scrambled eggs with a melted cheese-slice on top. And that was that.

I do feel compelled to say that I think I may be ready for an Ingawanis hiatus. It's a neat slice of land, but it IS pretty darn developed and there's so much-SO MUCH- more out there in the world to give you your nature-fix. Even in the little world of northeast Iowa, there's so much more. Staying in the cabin is OK-but really, it's only OK. The cots are terrible, and every flat surface is peppered with rat shit. I'd rather camp-and really camp and achieve the solitude, which is one of the main reasons for being out in the wilds, or just go out for a day of romping through wood & vale & return to comfort of home or hotel. I understand the connection Cory & to a lesser degree, Gibbs, has with the place-but (though we've created our own history there on a few occasions), the connection is really just not there nearly as much for me.

Great Sadness, Followed By Profound Joy

So, we tried some canned dog food with the hope it would help Kuna-i's appetite. Well, when I walked into the kitchen this morning, it was as though a shit matter universe collided with a shit antimatter universe. It took me about 30 minutes and half a roll of paper towels just to get it to the point where I could mop. Good Lord, that sucks.

But then, on a whim, I decided to swing by Camden Coffee Company a few minutes before 7:00 (their old open time), thinking that maybe, under new ownership, the hours had changed. O great wonders of all that is good in the world, they now open at 6:00!!!! I no longer have to come into work way, way late in order to enjoy a nice sit-down cup of coffee in the morning!

On a side note-heading off tomorrow morning to Ingawanis for a romp in the woods with T-Clog. Full report Monday, I'm sure.

When the Gales of November Come Early

Today is the 30th anniversary of the sinking of the Edmund Fitzgerald. I love the North Shore of Lake Superior (as has been well-documented), and I have a keen interest in its lore and history, which includes everything from early explorers and voyageurs to mining, logging, and shipwrecks. A few of years ago (around the time of my first visit to Methuen, in fact) I read a book about the event, which is still quite compelling now, all these years after the original tragedy. But that reading led me on to explore the more history of North Superior shipwrecks/boatwrecks, of which there have been a crazy number (over 200 in the past century seems to stick in my mind). Just a big, cold, and dangerous lake it is.

Anyway, I would encourage others who have any interest in this fascinatingh history to read up on North Superior shipwrecks and, indeed, just the history of North Superior shipping & its related industries in general. A good & fun place to start is a series of books pairing North Shore artist Howard Sivertson (a favorite of mine) with companion stories. There is one on voyageurs and one on shipping for sure and there may be others.

PastDan calling FutureDan...

My readers may or may not be aware of a couple of crazy moments I've had in which it seemed that a past version of myself made a conscious visit to my present (at the time) version of me and had a discussion; both times seeming like they may have not been completely unrelated to some significant, life-altering decisions. I have no basis for thinking those occasions have been anything other than particularly compelling daydreams, other than a sense of "I know what I know," and knowing that there was something very out-of-the-ordinary about the experiences.

Anyway, I came across this opportunity just today, and it seemed right up my alley. I'm putting down what I consider to be the burning questions about my future, which is particularly uncertain at this time. A rundown of the questions, but not the entire message to myself...

So, did you...
1. Do anything exciting with "The Secret of HIM" (or whatever the album was called)? Your 4 songs in and feeling pretty good about it right now.
2. Do anything exciting with Camden Civic Theatre? The opportunity is there, as the theatre company is just forming right now.
3. MOVED TO ZEPHYR??? You're sort of leaning there, but there's a lot of unknowns (jobs, how to get a loan)
4. More broadly, moved anywhere? Seward? Victory? Bryn Mawr? Longfellow? Other? God forbid, are you still living in the same house?
5. How has your relationship changed with Lucy as she has changed from a toddler into a little girl? I can barely conceive of it right now.
6. Where are you working? Still for "The Man" or did you find a way to get into something more aligned with your values?
7. Was there a Democratic revolution? How have the tides of time altered our culture, both politically and from an ecological & religious standpoint? It's a pretty depressing state of affairs right now, but there's little hints of hope...
7. How has your life changed in ways you wouldn't have guessed; particularly if you're living in Zephyr?

I chose the five-year capsule, as I think assuming I'll be accessing any particular email account in 10 or 20 years is assuming a lot. Plus, I think there's not a one of my burning questions that will not be resolved in that time.(of course, were I to add that last sentence to the time capsule, it would probably end up being my biggest surprise...)

Taking it to the Next Level?

So, the guy that heads up my theatre group is interested in finally breaking off from the community education classes through which the plays have been produced (which has allowed us practice and performance time-albeit limited-on a stage). He would continue to run classes through that venue, but would form an independent theatre company-The Camden Civic Theatre. He asked me and a couple of others if we would be interested in launching into this, and I'm torn.

It would be awesome to explore this artistic venue for awhile; but, as I remember the pressure & annoyance of having to bring a "business edge" into trying to make it in a band, I'm not so sure I'm fired up for a duplication of that experience. Promoting, grant-writing, call-making, etc. Ugh.

The upside, however, is a very wide-open artistic space in which to explore this craft and the excitement that comes with performing live & the possibility of "catching a break."

The practices would be more & longer on plays that we perform. On one hand, I dropped out of college because I wasn't getting enough time with my family. On the other hand, I dropped out of college because I didn't have enough time for personal projects...

Other X-factors:
Am I living here 7 months from now? I guess I'd better tell him about the possiblity of Zephyr before he counts on me too much, long-term.
How does this affect my tentative plans to take a class or two at "Brave New Workshop?"
How does this affect my recording schedule?

Much to mull over. Anyway, don't know if I mentioned it, but our current play we are getting ready is "The Lottery" by Shirley Jackson. You may remember it as a short story from an intermediate school reader, but it's a real dark show. So much so that we're planning on a Q&A with the audience afterwords to cool those who may get a little disturbed by the ending. Hopefuly kids won't be in attendance.

http://home.mn.rr.com/jjredman/

Minnesota Zephyr

Another Zephyr weekend. We went down on Friday morning to check out a K-8 Montessori charter school in Winona (the first of its kind in the nation), and it was wonderful. We then hung out for the day in town, doing a little more exploring and trying to get a little more feel of what, according to residents of the coop, is the "lifeblood" of everyone in the rural communities of the area. An amazing little town, Winona, for being only 27,000 people big-but I may have documented that already.

We spent Friday night through Sunday morning at Zephyr, and the our mood, for the majority of the time, was actually just a little down from where it had been for our last couple visits. We had a breakfast with some residents in which we discussed some of the difficulties in obtaining house loans for building houses without "property" or deeds, and then everyone had their various daily responsibilities to which they needed to attend. It was spitting rain & pretty dreary.

We still went for a hike, having not circumnavigated the large south bluff yet, but still weren't able to make it all the way around. We came across a hunter at the extreme far southern end of the property, up on a bluff top. Hunting would be one of the weird things to get used to at Zephyr. It is very common down there, as it is in the midst of a large state forest; and hunters abound in the properties-both wooded and farmed-surrounding the coop's land. I've never been as supportive of hunters, from an ecological sense, as I currently am. That is, if they are conservation-minded and follow regulations and so on. I do fear that the majority (and I really do mean the majority) of hunters that are out there are there for all the wrong reasons, and do not care the least bit about conservation, ecology, or even simple human courtesy. This guy was technically legal, with his tree stand being set up just on the other side of the property line; but even I know enough to know that's really bad form. Especially considering the bluff top-all Zephyr property-is a big open field. Open sight lines. In other words, he intends to shoot the deer on Zephyr then run over & get them. And the path we were on would have taken us right by his feet. Lucy was snoozing in the backback and we just didn't even want to deal with the hassle of a confrontation (especially since it's not even our land that we're dealing with-yet), but we left the hill feeling more sullen than ever. Later we confessed that we were both sort of gearing up for the "what are we doing, anyway" conversion we would have in the car on the way back in the morning.

Anyway, morning came around and we headed over to drop off some orange vests at the house of this woman, who happened to be entertaining a couple of friends that had dropped in from Iowa (she's originally from Iowa City). They invited us in for a pancake breakfast, and we couldn't refuse. It was a sunny morning-with sun hitting the bluffs in the most stunning and beautiful way-clouds rolling by just above the hilltops, and there was an ease and hospitality in the air. Pancakes were big & awesome; coffee was steamin', and syrup was real maple. Lucy (who is totally at ease down there) just started running around doing her own thing while we all talked after eating-great conversation. Went from blood sausage to the ills of Wal-Mart (kind of a big issue in Winona, where they're a fairly recent presence). As things were wrapping up, I was like, "wait a minute-what's that music?" and I realized it was "Concerning Hobbits." Our host's 10-year old son had the Fellowship of the Ring CD in the stereo while he was making his way through a first reading of "The Hobbit." As it turns out, he & his mom are big fans. We talked just a little LOR (mainly books vs. movie-the standard conversation), then he showed us how he has the sheet music and started playing some on the piano. I ended up getting some video of him playing that Shire song while I panned the camera around the room and out the windows to the landscape in the distance. I'll try to set up a link or something so you guys can check it out.

Anyway, we left with an "anything is possible" attitude, and that's maybe where I am as the trudge & bludge of a workweek in the cities is upon me once again.

Wellstone! & Clint!

Monday night, Sharon & I watched a documentary on the life of Paul Wellstone, a two-term Minnesota Democratic/Populist senator until his death in 2002. Any words I could try to come up with for the man would fall far short. I will simply say that he may have been the most conscienable, genuine, and passionate congressperson in our nation's history. If anyone ever has the opportunity to learn more about him, I urge you to do so. I would even be happy to find a way to get you the VCR tape on which we had just recorded the PBS special. Man, the crash of the plane he was on may not have been orchestrated by the Bush regime, but if you consider what we know about this administration's tendency to use whatever means to achieve its ends, combined with the timing (shortly before Wellstone's re-election bid vs. a hand-picked Bush lapdog; also very shortly before our Iraq invasion); well, I don't think there's a person left of center in this state that hasn't considered it as a possibility. One other possibility is that we really ARE heading for the rapture and that everything that has happened, politically, in the past 6 years is God's way of telling us: "Don't bother. I WANT you all to be fucked."

A couple days before viewing the non-violence preaching Wellstone, I indulged myself with a viewing of the violence promoting Clint Eastwood movie, "The Eiger Sanction." For some reason, I had some totally way-off base idea about this movie. Somewhere along the line, years ago, I had gotten this idea it was considered one of the all-time great suspense thriller movies, along the lines of Femme Fatale, The French Connection, etc. And while the movie did offer some thrilling mountainside action sequences, it was for the most part a campy, rompous, over-the-top affair with crazy numbers of one-dimensional characters, funky 70s settings (complete with a desert training run in jeans & long-sleeve shirt), and enough one-liners (some OK, some putrid) to fill 20 movies. It was very much like a Roger Moore James Bond-which isn't always terrible, as long as you're not filling your DVD shelves with it. So, if you guys are looking for a movie to see that is an enjoyable way to pass time and that your wife won't mind missing, this may be the ticket.

I Hope I've Not Just Taken a First Step into a Bigger World

I just posted a "reply" on a Yahoo! message board. Usually so full of vitrol & hate & perjoratives I cannot even stand to read the subject lines, I have a policy of not ever, ever opening one that is directly political. Too much danger of getting sucked in and actually caring about the words of someone who may or may not even mean what they say, and is using, perhaps, the most cowardly forum ever known to humankind in which to have a "voice."

That said, I took my first post pretty seriously. hylton44 is pretty much my thing, so if I was ever "Googled" or researched in a smear campaign, it probably wouldn't be too hard to put all the pieces together. The subject was actually one of WalMart vs. the other "big boxes" in consumer electronics for the upcoming holiday season. Very, very interesting to you-I'm sure. But it was an article for which I had both a professional and person (personal being my hatred of WalMart). I checked the message board since there were only 20 posts, and I wanted to see what the general vibe of the discussion was. Pleasantly genial and, for the most part, WalMart haters. The only two "dissidents" were two people that were using the ol' "I go where I get the best deal." One guy, in two separate posts, made two patently false statements (one, about Best Buy and Circuit City employees getting commission and both of them marking up products 30%-40%) that, weird to say, compelled me to answer and refute (genially, also, I hope).

I did add this tidbit at the end, however; which I like so much I may recall for future use...

For those really interested in saving that extra 1%, consider the extra money you contribute to subsidize public health assistance for their 50,000 some-odd workers in your state.

Inexplicable Motivation

I've been really motivated to get down into the studio & record for the past week or so. It's great while it lasts, but motivation to do this (or running, or anything else) is a bit confounding in general. Is it just a feeling of "OK, I've had enough of this lollygagging" or what?

Anyway, I've been down there, and I am currently well on my way for the 4th song from the upcoming "The Secret of HIM."

song #1: 100% done, except for final mix
song #2: 95% done
song #3: 80% done. Possibly more done, but I have some hard decisions & possible re-work on some vocals
song #4: 50% done. Everything except some original drum pattern programming has been done in the past three days, so I'm cutting a pretty good pace.

So far, so good. I'm really excited about the direction of the new album. I promise the "most Dan-like" collection of music you will have ever heard. Rock, and maybe a little "poppier" & catchier than Camden Garden. Explore as I might & be inspired by different genres as I might be, rock is really rooted deep in my soul. When I write songs, they simply go in the direction of progressive/alternative rock, and I'm not sure I'll ever do much sustained work (original, anyway) in another style of music. Hopefully, though, the influences of these other styles are in there and will shine through in their own way.

You Went WHERE????

Wisconsin. It was Sharon's & my first night away from Lucy; a belated anniversary celebration. We wanted a spot within an hour or two, and a way to enjoy fall colors,. We ended up deciding to head to Hudson, Wisconsin (right across the St. Croix River, about 40 minutes from home), and had ourselves a nice little time. Hudson was a quaint little river town, but (like all quaint communities within arm's reach of Twin Cities commuters) is struggling with the influx of new disgusting subdivisions and expansive, culturally-bankrupt homes. The heart of the city, though, includes a beautiful riverfront and business district, where we stopped first.

We had sandwiches & coffee at a coffee shop. Coffee shops are a part of most of our visits to a new town. The vibe in such places is pretty consistent throughout the places we travel, and this was no different. There was a display of "protest art" painted by Hudson High Schoolers. Some were quite good, and some were quite funny. There was one that reminded me of 3rd prize in the Springfield Art Competition in the "Marge Painting" Simpson's episode; the one where there was a smokestack sending pollution into the air & a unicorn with tears in its eyes and a thought balloon with the word, "Why?" It had two guys shaking hands to conclude the purchase of an SUV with a starving African child superimposed in parking lot next to them. Again-kind of funny in it's insubtledy. Anyway, nice lunch.

Next we headed off for the main activity of the day, which was a fall color bike tour, doing a loop that took us off into the country-amazing rolling hills of the "driftless region" there-down pretty much to River Falls and back on byways and country roads. Wonderful day of biking. 60-70 degrees & sunny & fall colors were definitely at their peak.

We also had about the best meal at a restaurant that night that I can ever recall. Not much else to say about that.

Rumination: T.V. Land is my addiction on vacation. Cable-less at home, it's a total fixation for me when traveling (though, not something I've been able to indulge much since Lucy's been around). My entire understanding of SportsCenter, for instance, is based on what I've experienced on vacations, but T.V. Land, is where I always end up. Saw an episode of Three's Company Saturday night that involved the cast getting into a misunderstanding of some sort.

The Hunting of the President and Other Modern History

As I was either not born or not yet following the intricacies of certain events from recent history closely at the time, my understanding of what transpired is not very clear. And, since the events occurred in the past couple of generations, history has not yet sorted out the definitive account. In other words, it's almost impossible to find a truly objective source for the facts. A little farther back was that weird episode in which Edward Kennedy supposedly drove drunk into a pond and left his female passenger to die while he went and had drinks at a bar. At least, that's how my mom tells it. Something makes me think it is possible that there are some parts of the story that are not being made evident in that version...

Anyway, another one that is more recent, and perhaps far more relevant to the workings of our country is the whole Kenneth Starr-Bill Clinton thing. At the time, I think my assumption was that he was brought in to investigate the whole Monica Lewinski thing. Later, I realized that he was brought in to replace an investigator who had previously found the Clintons not guilty of any crime in the Whitewater case (which I also did not really understand at all); and that Starr spent $50,000,000 over four years poking around further in Whitewater, not uncovering anything illegal. But then, by chance, he discovered the whole Monica Lewinski thing and he started pursuing it, under the guise of it being perhaps linked to Whitewater. What I understand (based on my "liberal" sources, anyway) is that there was never any evidence that Whitewater & Lewinski were linked in any way, but that Starr (who had, incidentally, contributed to Republican political campaigns in the past and had been offered a post to be the Dean of a Law School owned by a billionare Republican operative-this is what I learned just last night-see below) knew that would be his only opportunity to put Clinton in a position to commit perjury.

Anyway, I have had an interest in reading "The Hunting of the President" by Salon writer Joe Conason (for whom I have a great deal of respect), but opted instead to borrow the documentary from my local library. Crappy documentary! I hope the book is better, but I did feel like the documentary was so spottily sourced, in places, and blatantly sensational, I really found it disheartening. My assumption and belief is that, for the most part, progressives in this country have reality and truth on their side. Sensationalism and spotty sources should be left to political camps that having nothing else to go on.

So-what I'm left with...I can pay attention to facts in the here and now. But what can a man do to get an accurrate version of history, save spending countless hours scanning microfiche of 1996 New York Times articles?

Thumbsucker, The Continuing Cultural Elitification, and Uptown Overrated???

We had a long-overdue and much needed opportunity to have a few hours away from Lucy Saturday night. Grandpa Ken came over and Sharon & I headed off to catch a movie at the Uptown Theater. While the main draw to that area are the films you can't see anywhere else in town, there's also this other sort of cultural draw there. Or at least, there has been. I think it's some combination of memories I have of the area (I was there a lot more often in my early 20s) and some sort of expectation I have in leaving my neighborhood (& neighbors) behind for awhile and being in an area where I have some vague notion of feeling more at home. The reality is that every time we go down there, we are reminded of the tension between the Uptown purists, and the various weekenders, interlopers, and posers that outnumber them greatly and are drawn more by the idea that "something's happening" than anything else. The fact that a Famous Dave's now anchors Calhoun Village tells you everything you need to know.

And when we do go down there, we have always had this idea that there's going to be eateries suitable for us on every corner and in between. But it's just not the case. Most of the restaurants now are (like F.D.'s) chain crap, or else way too trendy and "chic" (& expensive) for our tastes. So, like this last weekend, we got there about 45 minutes before the show and then wandered around not finding anything that would be modest enough, quick enough, or tasty. Finally, with 20 minutes to go, we swung into a Panera's. Sharon got a half portabello to go and I got a PB&J with milk. It took them an unbelievable amount of time to make the order, and then we ended up chowing down everything, en-route to the theater, with about a minute to go before the movie started. As I gazed about at the various groups of frat kids, divas, and 20-something socialites on the way, it struck me as suddenly quite hilarious how (in this place where I was presumably "at home") how out of place I really was in my wind-pants and tee shirt, eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at 7 pm at the corner of Lake & Hennepin. But I guess that kind of diversity is what Uptown is historically all about, right? Anyway, next time we eat somewhere else in town then drive straight to the theater.

Anyway, we saw the movie "Thumbsucker," about a boy who is 17 years old and has an issue of sucking his thumb. While the movie definitely has a comedic tone to it, it was faced with the challenge of not letting the premise send it into the realm of ridiculous. It was a character film and you had to get engaged with the people in it; not dismiss them. It took me awhile to warm up to what was happening, but I ended up thinking it was really, really good. Some great performances and characters. Keanu Reaves & Vince Vaughan actually found their way into this little indie film (neither in particularly big roles); probably good career & personal moves for both of them.

Zephyr Update

As I look back over my general thoughts on moving in the past few months, I think I can see that the desire I feel to make a change from my current living situation has made any given option, at any given time, seem particularly appealing; and has, to a great extent, led to my wavering and indecisiveness. Every time I think of those pockets Minneapolis in which we could be happy (Linden Hills, Bryn Mawr-provided we could ever actually afford houses in those areas), or those elements about living in the city that I like (progressiveness, diversity, arts, abundance of coffee shops, etc.), the pendulum has always swung back in the direction of staying in Minneapolis. But what I'm really trying to internalize is that it's not like it's a choice between black and white/good and bad. The reality is that we could be happy in any one of a number of different directions we choose to take our lives-so theoretically, our choice is between good or better. Another way to look at it is that we're giving up things, either way we go. The issue really becomes about quality of life. So what are those qualities which most make up my quality of life?

In many ways-the way in which the connectedness to nature and the community in which we would live-Zephyr would be very conducive to the type of self-exploration, indulgement in personal pursuits (reading, writing, music) of which I am fond. I certainly indulge in them now-but I always feel that there is a tension between my attempts to gain a peaceful state of mind and the constant buzz & hectic nature of living in the city. Certainly, there are some places better than others here in Minneapolis, and perhaps I'm not in the best spot I could be now. But people and density is pretty much a constant. Great park system notwithstanding, you gotta really travel to get out of the city.

Health-a more recent, but rapidly ascending priority. I visit I just had (20 minutes ago) with my doctor more or less affirmed my suspicion that it is the smog and the particulates in the city air that has been slowly eroding my respiratory system over the past 12 years-especially considering my tendency to embark upon distance runs from time to time. The prospect of Lucy growing up as an athsmatic child makes an unbelievable case for moving out of the city. There may be a time in the future "whole cost" issues carry more weight in our political world, consumption & waste subside a bit, and where the true welfare of individuals takes precedence over the ability of companies to make profit, but until then our big cities are just killing us. Literally.

Living in my current house/current neighborhood is not an option. I've been saying that for awhile and-interesting-I've always been sort of a karmic person. Not sure I could articulate what the "rules" are in this worldview of mine, but it's kind of an "I know it when I see it," and I've felt like this whole last month & a half, with the storm damage and the family-wide sicknesses is that we are just living in a house that is, and will continue to be, bad karma until we leave it. So, the reality of staying in the cities: we move to a better house/neighborhood. This will either require Sharon to work full time, or me to get a raise and continue to climb the corporate ladder at Big Buy. And, honestly, I'd like to think the latter is not an option. At least, in the long-term. But there's simply no means by which I could currently make a lateral move and be paid in the realm where I currently am. Yet our expenses continue to rise, year by year. The move to Zephyr could be considered risky, though when I consider investing in a house that costs $220,000 or some insane amount like that (a little below the median in the Twin Cities)-I think the idea of Sharon & I having to maintain a combination of jobs that allow us to make payments on that mortgage to be a pretty damned risky one.

Back to karma. As I've said, the older I get, the more obvious it is that "crowds of my sort are smaller, and more scattered." I go from a neighborhood where I don't fit in, to a job where I don't fit in, to a number of public places where I don't fit in. Outside the walls of my house and a couple of neighborhood pockets (coffee shop, theater), I don't find very much fellowship. And THAT is killing me, to a point. Zephyr is my crowd. And, to a lesser extent, so is Winona (a 20,000 town with a co-op). The fact that I've talked about living in the country for years and that this opportunity is there. How perfect & idyllic the land, there. The fact that, among the 17 adults currently there, three are returned Peace Corps Volunteers (like Sharon). The fact that Sharon has actually talked about a desire to work on an organic farm, and there is one at Zephyr. Cory said it well: "It sounds like the Shire." I say it's like the Shire mixed with Rivendell. Good lord, if God has given me the last month to punish Sharon & me for being saps (as I have suggested), then surely he is placing this feast before us and pushing our chairs up to the table while whispering "eat...eat..."