I Hope I've Not Just Taken a First Step into a Bigger World

I just posted a "reply" on a Yahoo! message board. Usually so full of vitrol & hate & perjoratives I cannot even stand to read the subject lines, I have a policy of not ever, ever opening one that is directly political. Too much danger of getting sucked in and actually caring about the words of someone who may or may not even mean what they say, and is using, perhaps, the most cowardly forum ever known to humankind in which to have a "voice."

That said, I took my first post pretty seriously. hylton44 is pretty much my thing, so if I was ever "Googled" or researched in a smear campaign, it probably wouldn't be too hard to put all the pieces together. The subject was actually one of WalMart vs. the other "big boxes" in consumer electronics for the upcoming holiday season. Very, very interesting to you-I'm sure. But it was an article for which I had both a professional and person (personal being my hatred of WalMart). I checked the message board since there were only 20 posts, and I wanted to see what the general vibe of the discussion was. Pleasantly genial and, for the most part, WalMart haters. The only two "dissidents" were two people that were using the ol' "I go where I get the best deal." One guy, in two separate posts, made two patently false statements (one, about Best Buy and Circuit City employees getting commission and both of them marking up products 30%-40%) that, weird to say, compelled me to answer and refute (genially, also, I hope).

I did add this tidbit at the end, however; which I like so much I may recall for future use...

For those really interested in saving that extra 1%, consider the extra money you contribute to subsidize public health assistance for their 50,000 some-odd workers in your state.

Inexplicable Motivation

I've been really motivated to get down into the studio & record for the past week or so. It's great while it lasts, but motivation to do this (or running, or anything else) is a bit confounding in general. Is it just a feeling of "OK, I've had enough of this lollygagging" or what?

Anyway, I've been down there, and I am currently well on my way for the 4th song from the upcoming "The Secret of HIM."

song #1: 100% done, except for final mix
song #2: 95% done
song #3: 80% done. Possibly more done, but I have some hard decisions & possible re-work on some vocals
song #4: 50% done. Everything except some original drum pattern programming has been done in the past three days, so I'm cutting a pretty good pace.

So far, so good. I'm really excited about the direction of the new album. I promise the "most Dan-like" collection of music you will have ever heard. Rock, and maybe a little "poppier" & catchier than Camden Garden. Explore as I might & be inspired by different genres as I might be, rock is really rooted deep in my soul. When I write songs, they simply go in the direction of progressive/alternative rock, and I'm not sure I'll ever do much sustained work (original, anyway) in another style of music. Hopefully, though, the influences of these other styles are in there and will shine through in their own way.

You Went WHERE????

Wisconsin. It was Sharon's & my first night away from Lucy; a belated anniversary celebration. We wanted a spot within an hour or two, and a way to enjoy fall colors,. We ended up deciding to head to Hudson, Wisconsin (right across the St. Croix River, about 40 minutes from home), and had ourselves a nice little time. Hudson was a quaint little river town, but (like all quaint communities within arm's reach of Twin Cities commuters) is struggling with the influx of new disgusting subdivisions and expansive, culturally-bankrupt homes. The heart of the city, though, includes a beautiful riverfront and business district, where we stopped first.

We had sandwiches & coffee at a coffee shop. Coffee shops are a part of most of our visits to a new town. The vibe in such places is pretty consistent throughout the places we travel, and this was no different. There was a display of "protest art" painted by Hudson High Schoolers. Some were quite good, and some were quite funny. There was one that reminded me of 3rd prize in the Springfield Art Competition in the "Marge Painting" Simpson's episode; the one where there was a smokestack sending pollution into the air & a unicorn with tears in its eyes and a thought balloon with the word, "Why?" It had two guys shaking hands to conclude the purchase of an SUV with a starving African child superimposed in parking lot next to them. Again-kind of funny in it's insubtledy. Anyway, nice lunch.

Next we headed off for the main activity of the day, which was a fall color bike tour, doing a loop that took us off into the country-amazing rolling hills of the "driftless region" there-down pretty much to River Falls and back on byways and country roads. Wonderful day of biking. 60-70 degrees & sunny & fall colors were definitely at their peak.

We also had about the best meal at a restaurant that night that I can ever recall. Not much else to say about that.

Rumination: T.V. Land is my addiction on vacation. Cable-less at home, it's a total fixation for me when traveling (though, not something I've been able to indulge much since Lucy's been around). My entire understanding of SportsCenter, for instance, is based on what I've experienced on vacations, but T.V. Land, is where I always end up. Saw an episode of Three's Company Saturday night that involved the cast getting into a misunderstanding of some sort.

The Hunting of the President and Other Modern History

As I was either not born or not yet following the intricacies of certain events from recent history closely at the time, my understanding of what transpired is not very clear. And, since the events occurred in the past couple of generations, history has not yet sorted out the definitive account. In other words, it's almost impossible to find a truly objective source for the facts. A little farther back was that weird episode in which Edward Kennedy supposedly drove drunk into a pond and left his female passenger to die while he went and had drinks at a bar. At least, that's how my mom tells it. Something makes me think it is possible that there are some parts of the story that are not being made evident in that version...

Anyway, another one that is more recent, and perhaps far more relevant to the workings of our country is the whole Kenneth Starr-Bill Clinton thing. At the time, I think my assumption was that he was brought in to investigate the whole Monica Lewinski thing. Later, I realized that he was brought in to replace an investigator who had previously found the Clintons not guilty of any crime in the Whitewater case (which I also did not really understand at all); and that Starr spent $50,000,000 over four years poking around further in Whitewater, not uncovering anything illegal. But then, by chance, he discovered the whole Monica Lewinski thing and he started pursuing it, under the guise of it being perhaps linked to Whitewater. What I understand (based on my "liberal" sources, anyway) is that there was never any evidence that Whitewater & Lewinski were linked in any way, but that Starr (who had, incidentally, contributed to Republican political campaigns in the past and had been offered a post to be the Dean of a Law School owned by a billionare Republican operative-this is what I learned just last night-see below) knew that would be his only opportunity to put Clinton in a position to commit perjury.

Anyway, I have had an interest in reading "The Hunting of the President" by Salon writer Joe Conason (for whom I have a great deal of respect), but opted instead to borrow the documentary from my local library. Crappy documentary! I hope the book is better, but I did feel like the documentary was so spottily sourced, in places, and blatantly sensational, I really found it disheartening. My assumption and belief is that, for the most part, progressives in this country have reality and truth on their side. Sensationalism and spotty sources should be left to political camps that having nothing else to go on.

So-what I'm left with...I can pay attention to facts in the here and now. But what can a man do to get an accurrate version of history, save spending countless hours scanning microfiche of 1996 New York Times articles?

Thumbsucker, The Continuing Cultural Elitification, and Uptown Overrated???

We had a long-overdue and much needed opportunity to have a few hours away from Lucy Saturday night. Grandpa Ken came over and Sharon & I headed off to catch a movie at the Uptown Theater. While the main draw to that area are the films you can't see anywhere else in town, there's also this other sort of cultural draw there. Or at least, there has been. I think it's some combination of memories I have of the area (I was there a lot more often in my early 20s) and some sort of expectation I have in leaving my neighborhood (& neighbors) behind for awhile and being in an area where I have some vague notion of feeling more at home. The reality is that every time we go down there, we are reminded of the tension between the Uptown purists, and the various weekenders, interlopers, and posers that outnumber them greatly and are drawn more by the idea that "something's happening" than anything else. The fact that a Famous Dave's now anchors Calhoun Village tells you everything you need to know.

And when we do go down there, we have always had this idea that there's going to be eateries suitable for us on every corner and in between. But it's just not the case. Most of the restaurants now are (like F.D.'s) chain crap, or else way too trendy and "chic" (& expensive) for our tastes. So, like this last weekend, we got there about 45 minutes before the show and then wandered around not finding anything that would be modest enough, quick enough, or tasty. Finally, with 20 minutes to go, we swung into a Panera's. Sharon got a half portabello to go and I got a PB&J with milk. It took them an unbelievable amount of time to make the order, and then we ended up chowing down everything, en-route to the theater, with about a minute to go before the movie started. As I gazed about at the various groups of frat kids, divas, and 20-something socialites on the way, it struck me as suddenly quite hilarious how (in this place where I was presumably "at home") how out of place I really was in my wind-pants and tee shirt, eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at 7 pm at the corner of Lake & Hennepin. But I guess that kind of diversity is what Uptown is historically all about, right? Anyway, next time we eat somewhere else in town then drive straight to the theater.

Anyway, we saw the movie "Thumbsucker," about a boy who is 17 years old and has an issue of sucking his thumb. While the movie definitely has a comedic tone to it, it was faced with the challenge of not letting the premise send it into the realm of ridiculous. It was a character film and you had to get engaged with the people in it; not dismiss them. It took me awhile to warm up to what was happening, but I ended up thinking it was really, really good. Some great performances and characters. Keanu Reaves & Vince Vaughan actually found their way into this little indie film (neither in particularly big roles); probably good career & personal moves for both of them.

Zephyr Update

As I look back over my general thoughts on moving in the past few months, I think I can see that the desire I feel to make a change from my current living situation has made any given option, at any given time, seem particularly appealing; and has, to a great extent, led to my wavering and indecisiveness. Every time I think of those pockets Minneapolis in which we could be happy (Linden Hills, Bryn Mawr-provided we could ever actually afford houses in those areas), or those elements about living in the city that I like (progressiveness, diversity, arts, abundance of coffee shops, etc.), the pendulum has always swung back in the direction of staying in Minneapolis. But what I'm really trying to internalize is that it's not like it's a choice between black and white/good and bad. The reality is that we could be happy in any one of a number of different directions we choose to take our lives-so theoretically, our choice is between good or better. Another way to look at it is that we're giving up things, either way we go. The issue really becomes about quality of life. So what are those qualities which most make up my quality of life?

In many ways-the way in which the connectedness to nature and the community in which we would live-Zephyr would be very conducive to the type of self-exploration, indulgement in personal pursuits (reading, writing, music) of which I am fond. I certainly indulge in them now-but I always feel that there is a tension between my attempts to gain a peaceful state of mind and the constant buzz & hectic nature of living in the city. Certainly, there are some places better than others here in Minneapolis, and perhaps I'm not in the best spot I could be now. But people and density is pretty much a constant. Great park system notwithstanding, you gotta really travel to get out of the city.

Health-a more recent, but rapidly ascending priority. I visit I just had (20 minutes ago) with my doctor more or less affirmed my suspicion that it is the smog and the particulates in the city air that has been slowly eroding my respiratory system over the past 12 years-especially considering my tendency to embark upon distance runs from time to time. The prospect of Lucy growing up as an athsmatic child makes an unbelievable case for moving out of the city. There may be a time in the future "whole cost" issues carry more weight in our political world, consumption & waste subside a bit, and where the true welfare of individuals takes precedence over the ability of companies to make profit, but until then our big cities are just killing us. Literally.

Living in my current house/current neighborhood is not an option. I've been saying that for awhile and-interesting-I've always been sort of a karmic person. Not sure I could articulate what the "rules" are in this worldview of mine, but it's kind of an "I know it when I see it," and I've felt like this whole last month & a half, with the storm damage and the family-wide sicknesses is that we are just living in a house that is, and will continue to be, bad karma until we leave it. So, the reality of staying in the cities: we move to a better house/neighborhood. This will either require Sharon to work full time, or me to get a raise and continue to climb the corporate ladder at Big Buy. And, honestly, I'd like to think the latter is not an option. At least, in the long-term. But there's simply no means by which I could currently make a lateral move and be paid in the realm where I currently am. Yet our expenses continue to rise, year by year. The move to Zephyr could be considered risky, though when I consider investing in a house that costs $220,000 or some insane amount like that (a little below the median in the Twin Cities)-I think the idea of Sharon & I having to maintain a combination of jobs that allow us to make payments on that mortgage to be a pretty damned risky one.

Back to karma. As I've said, the older I get, the more obvious it is that "crowds of my sort are smaller, and more scattered." I go from a neighborhood where I don't fit in, to a job where I don't fit in, to a number of public places where I don't fit in. Outside the walls of my house and a couple of neighborhood pockets (coffee shop, theater), I don't find very much fellowship. And THAT is killing me, to a point. Zephyr is my crowd. And, to a lesser extent, so is Winona (a 20,000 town with a co-op). The fact that I've talked about living in the country for years and that this opportunity is there. How perfect & idyllic the land, there. The fact that, among the 17 adults currently there, three are returned Peace Corps Volunteers (like Sharon). The fact that Sharon has actually talked about a desire to work on an organic farm, and there is one at Zephyr. Cory said it well: "It sounds like the Shire." I say it's like the Shire mixed with Rivendell. Good lord, if God has given me the last month to punish Sharon & me for being saps (as I have suggested), then surely he is placing this feast before us and pushing our chairs up to the table while whispering "eat...eat..."