We're trying to cut down on expenses, with the uncertain financial future that's facing us. To the point where we're drinking powdered milk, exclusively, and Sharon is making our own bread, crackers, cereal, and even yogurt.
But God has other plans for us, apparently. We just plopped down $500 on a new water heater (which, after a week, is still not up & going - it's been bucket bathing by water heated over the stove for 8 days now) and - Jesus Christ, - but Rocky (the cat) has suddenly developed some sort of mysterious debilitating condition where his hind legs aren't working correctly and/or his balance is way off, to the point of tripping and falling over. And we're currently $300 into tests and bloodwork that have ruled out some things (feline luke and inner ear infection), and are still trying to look at other possibilities (heartworm, feline peritonitis, or some time of degenerative brain condition). So here's to hoping for the heartworm.
What IS it with us and our pets, anyway?
I used to fancy myself somewhat of a rock, emotionally. In the big scheme of things, anyway. But in more recent years, it seems like my psychological condition is always precariously balancing on the edge of a precipice. This is most evident in times of stress when I realize I can go from feeling normal to being on edge as a result of a single incident. Sharon & I refer to this as "having very little reserves." I thought I'd sort of mellow out and be able to cope with whatever life throws at me more easily the older I got, but it seems to have sort of worked in the opposite direction. Sharon's theory is that my "ambient stress level" is a little higher, overall, due to the amount of energy and "reserves" spent on our kids. She may be onto something there.
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8 comments:
Damn.
The Rocky thing is really unbelievable - best of luck on that as well as everything else.
As for the stress, I'd agree with Sharon - it seems like events are conspiring to keep you from having enough time to blow off steam, and worse, building up a head of steam that may require more time to blow than anyone has available.
To the extent that you can find something both mindless (in that it allows you to not think about all the other shit) and perhaps physically exhausting (so that when you're done you're really only ready to sleep) it might help. Not sure if the analogy holds out, but batteries were better sometimes if they're completely depleted first.
I think Sharon may have something there. I feel I've been there, though I admit not to the extent you are in currently.
I second Pat's statement, which could include shooting hoops, or grabbing a straight coffee (maybe decaf?).
I'm thinking you should go into the woods, pick a random wild creature, and follow it wherever it goes for 4 hours. Up trees, across rivers, with a razor sharp focus on nothing but following that creature. Best not to pick a bird.
If it's hoops, make it 1000 layups alternating ends of the court - in an hour. Something completely insane and all encompassing.
These are things that Dan would be up for anyway - he's just not getting the opportunity to do them.
The only caveat is that you don;t want to do anything that requires days to recover from.
Not sure how to make coffee do what I'm imagining.
Hmmm. With coffee, plug into some music, and turn off the ambient sounds around you, and sip away.
I could loan you that old clock with the ambient sound function.
It is too bad about Rocky and I hope he can be helped soon. Best of luck with that.
I hope that you can find or make time for some Dan Time. Thankfully you have health insurance for a decent period of time.
I do not know if this will help, but . . . as an example - say you are going to an appointment (could be anything as important or as unimportant as you like) - perhaps you are running behind - it will take you thrity minutes when you need to be there in fifteen. Well, for at least fifteen minutes you are NOT going to be late. Now, along the way, you can certainly do what you can in order to not be late and it is possible that things might sort themselves out to a degree in which you end up NOT being late. Not sure if that makes sense, but I guess, I know you are doing nearly all you can to gain employment, you can do nothing more. Fortunatley, your covered insurance-wise for awhile. Life goes on, water heaters break, but your continued efforts will pay off. You are far too industrious not to make something happen. I remain positive for you.
I really hope Rocky gets better.
Also, it may be just a temporary lift, but if you are ever up for another phone episode with beer - let me know. Also - I think we are coming up over spring break so you know.
You guys are great.
PatM: Amazing ideas. I may do both. Funny - I imagine following an animal that climbs a tree and just sits for four hours. So be it.
Stephen: Great idea with the coffee. Although I'm trying to make my various flights of fancy cost zero $$, perhaps I'll splurge and then - replace the ambient noise with iTunes shuffle.
PatG: Thank you so much for the great vote of confidence. And, of course, you're right. Something will work out.
note #1: I have been doing some stuff for my mental health. I've been flying through movies at an incredible pace. Maybe six or so in the past week, at least. Also - I've been listening to meditation podcasts and actually doing stretching during my political podcasts. Both are helpful, I think, in little spurts in between existence in the meatgrinder.
Point #2: Sharon was saying something to the effect of "If Rocky ends up dying as a result of whatever this is, I don't know how soon I'm going to want to bring another animal into our lives." My response was "Wow, I'm thinking - immediately. I mean, would you prefer Rocky having to suffer through a terminal illness in a rescue shelter?" I want our pets to live long, happy lives. But if we're destined to get the ones that are going to suffer - bring 'em on (though, give me a job to make money to pay for the medical bills).
That last is a very admirable sentiment.
There is a plan for you, so you don't need luck. I know that it will unfold for you when the time is right.
Just know that your friends are true friends and will do anything to help you.
As this prairie fire blows over you now the flames are hot, but they do blow over quickly. Your roots are deep. Regrowth will happen and you will be more beautiful than before.
Your cat is the luckiest cat in the world. To have a family who loves it so much is a blessing. There are thousands,if not millions, of cats who don't have owners who love them. I will pray for your cat's health.
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