Mid-Life Crisis...Over?

Thank God...some men do some pretty crazy shit that they probably spend the rest of their lives regretting.

Now - I don't want to say my theatre (or performance, in general) career is over, but I am sitting here (Sat. Nov. 22, 2008) realizing that I may have spent the last couple of years of my life in pursuit of something that is ultimately a lot less fulfilling than the time I spend at home, with my family and personal pursuits that can be indulged within the four walls of my own home (e.g. music listening and - hopefully - making, movie watching, crazy little projects ala "Johnny Seedcorn," etc.).

This all came about quite recently. I was actually in the weekend prior to the auditions for our spring show (which I was planning on being in), when there was a malfunction with the regulator on my dad's oxygen unit. Ultimately false alarm, but for a short bit there, I was faced with the reality that I could be put in an extremely difficult position, were he to take a serious turn for the worse in the middle of my production or performance schedule. A risk that suddenly seemed not at all worth taking. I need to be subject to head out of town at any given moment, were I to be needed in Iowa over the next couple of years.

But, upon pulling out of the commitment for the upcoming show, I felt a great weight lifted from my heart. I'd been subconsciously dreading the time away from my family and actually feeling some premature guilt in anticipation of the busy schedule that would be pulling me away. Since then, I've been enjoying time with my kids about as much as I can remember, and spending a lot of time doing whatever the hell strikes my fancy, for entertainment, after the kids go to bed; not feeling all stressed out about cramming "responsible things" or "making progress" on some home improvement project into every second of my free time. Weird - not all that long ago, I'd been torturing myself with thoughts of "When am I going to have the chance to get on stage again?!" Now, I'm seeing that way of thinking almost like it was some kind of stranger. What was I trying to prove, and to whom? Ah, well, such is the roller coaster of hot & cold that is Dan.

All I know is that the past two weeks have been like a like a friggin vacation (including the T-Clog visit which - by the way - may have been about my favorite Cory visit ever - thanks, Clog!!!), and I don't want it to end.

Sitting here, at 5:50 pm, having spent the majority of the day with my kids preparing for Sharon's birthday celebration tomorrow, and finally having been given an hour to hole myself up in the computer room, listening to iTunes shuffle with headphones, blogging, and stealing a few games of FreeCell; sipping a Summit Winter Ale.

Cheers!