I Don't Suck!

Use of one of the two chess sets I received for my birthday, the electronic chess set Ivan the Conquerer, has been a humbling experience. Playing game after game on the easiest level, I found myself repeatedly crushed. Hearing the robotic "Check...Mate" has become almost unbearable, and I found myself losing interest in even attempting a new game.

Well, during our family's "quiet time" (a down time set aside, in lieu of naps, which Lucy no longer takes), I was drinking a Summit India Pale Ale (which was quite hoppily bitter and divine), and scrolling through the options to turn off even the most basic vocalizations for Ivan. Suddenly, I realized that it had not been set on the most basic level at all! It was on "4" (indicating Ivan had four seconds to think). I switched it promptly to "1" and won the next game. Oh joy and exaltation, to take that fucker down!

It probably seems like a really lame move by a desperate loser. But to which anyone who has played me at chess can attest; I may be somewhat of a hack, but I'm not a bad chess player, versus other hacks. I asked for the chess set this year in attempt to get back into the game and maybe improve to a level where I wouldn't consider myself a total hack. Understand strategy; maybe think a few moves ahead in a way that isn't completely linear. But these repeated drubbings on level 4 were not accomplishing anything, unless it was to dispirit me and make me lose confidence. I swear that there was NO margin for error. On that level, if you make a single slip up, there was no praying that Ivan "wouldn't see" your mistake and take advantage. Pawns were deployed expertly in triangulated defense schemes in concert with other pieces as he marched his forces inexorably towards victory at the other end of the board. I still shudder at the remembrences. I may get back to that point at some point, but I think I need to string together a few victories at the lowest levels, and challenge myself incrementally. Level 1 is no cakewalk, but the playing field is evened out somewhat as he, too, occasionally will end up giving pieces away in exceptionally ridiculous blunders.

On that game I won, by the way: I turned the volume back on just in time to hear the historic, "I..lose..."