Well, I had a post here previously and then, after some reconsideration, I removed it. It's hard (for me, anyway), to try to put down into words what I think about parenting without coming across as an insufferable, holier-than-thou prick of a parent who lets my kid walk all over me.
Child-rearing and the profound impact a parent's behavior has on their child's development is a subject I feel amazingly passionate about-to the point where I may not be distinguishing the line for tactfulness. I would love and welcome a one on one discussion about the subject, but let me simply say here those few simple concepts that I utterly believe will make all the difference in having a child that is creative, independent of thought, confident, and happy:
1. Be consistent.
2. Validate your child's feelings always.
3. Take great interest in everything your child does.
4. Treat your child as in individual capable of understanding, and deserving of the opportunity to contribute.
5. Be silly!
6. No good will ever come hitting, shaming, or scolding your child.
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6 comments:
I agree with those on your list. However, I am going to assume that scoldimg and disciple are two different things.
Sort of. "Scolding," the way I interpret the word, seems like a parenting technique born of lack of creativity and patience; being unwilling to explore constructive ways of teaching your child acceptable behavior.
I'm not sure I like "discipline" a whole lot more. I realize it's a pretty far-reaching concept, but for me it carries too many connotations associated with the traditional "strict disciplinarian" (e.g. punishment-standing in a corner, spanking, etc.) I'm not sure I can recall an instance where I would define what we did as "disciplining" Lucy. We don't raise our voice, we don't say "No!" and we've never used a "time out" or anything remotely close to it.
Redirection has worked well for us. Don't get me wrong-obviously, when it finally comes down to it, I'm calling the shots, and sometimes Lucy is going to hear things she doesn't want to hear and work through her feelings on not getting what she wants. I've had to endure a blowout or two (indeed, one just this last weekend). Lucy knows it's OK to be really really mad-we're not going to make her stop if she's working through her feelings like that. On the other hand, she also knows that getting mad doesn't make us give in.
Patients I believe is the key here. The wrong type of discipline comes from those who have no patients. Healthy discipline comes from those parents that have patients and love for their child. I still use that word and I try not to give it another name. It is what it is. It does not have to be bad. We don't have to see exactly eye to eye on this, but we are pretty damn close to it. I respect your points and welcome more conversations.
I have little doubt that we are pretty much in line on this-it's a semantic issue. I just am not fan of the word "discipline."
To play on words, you better fall in line or I will discipline your ass! :)
If you don't do it, one of your patients or disciples will.
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