City Slicker's Visit to The Ranch #1 of ???

First off - All Apologies to T-Clog for the delinquency of this report. Hell, I haven't chronicled the re-emergence of my musical career, my battle with depression, coping with the loss of my dad, and only barely, my new career. So he can feel a measure of pride in that he rose to the cream of that cup of mik, at least.

So...kicking off what is poised to be a year of much time off (nonprofit holiday schedule, three weeks of vacation, and a two-week furlough) providing space (if not funds) to visit a cadre of friends, I decided to kick it off with style. Ranch-Style.

Shortly following T-Clog's birthday and just braving the possibility of treacherous winter winds, I planned my solo trip down. If you'll pardon what borders on a blatant product endorsement, trips in my new Kia Forte are generally pure bliss. While it would be an insult to Kobe Bryant, and would seem like a modest, entry-level vehicle to most of America, it is the closest thing to a luxury class vehicle I have ever owned. And that luxury is never more evident than when it is simply me being by myself (e.g. sans the responsibility of kids) with my iPod, cruising to God-knows-where at God-knows-what-hour-of-the-night. It was this deal when I went on my solo camping trip this last Fall, and it was certainly an oasis of Me when making myriad trips down to Waterloo at the end of that last, awful summer.

My plan had been to wake up at maybe 3:30, head out at around 4:00, stopping for a really nice long cup of eaaarly morning coffee at, say, my old familiar Rochester Caribou (I still crave Caribou Coffee, on occasion), alone with my thoughts. I would then roll on into Cedar Falls sometime around 0h - I don't know - 8:30 or so? Well, part and parcel of my psychology of late has been that I am not hitting the sack particularly early (if I was T-Clog and in the Escalante, though, I might say that 'Sack' was hitting me!). So, I ended up going to bed around 12:30 or 1:00 or so, and there was just no way I was going to wake up at the target time. I did get up around 5:20 and was on the road by 5:40.

As a Man of the New Millenium, packing for a trip with yourself is a pretty simple affair. Throw some shit in a bag and then it's: iPod? Check! And then off you go!

Pretty uneventful. Long drives in late night or early morning hours and me are old friends. On alert for deer, but other than that things are pretty mellow. I cruised on into Rochester, making pretty good time, by around 7:00. At that point, I decided not to tarry any longer than it would take to post a "Coming on into CF to visit an old friend!!!" or some other such trivial thing to Facebook via the iPod Touch, then it was off.

Back into the car, and down the road. Speeding South of Roch. (most people say "Rod-chester," but don't be deceived! There is no "Rod" in Rochester!! It's "Roch" with the "ch" as in "cheese." But that's neither here nor there). Slowly on through Stewartville. And then sliding into Spring Valley and stopping at a Tom Thumb for gas. And thank God! For, as I emerged from the car,(yup, you guessed it) no billfold. Not immediatly panicking, I dug in and around the seat, through my backpack about five or six times; and then I ripped the sonofabitching Kia Forte apart. Nothing.

All the music that had been so nurturing and soul-enriching on the drive to that point were cold and empty as I raced with dark clouds on my brow back out of town in desperate haste back to the Rochester Caribou (30 minutes back North), in hopes of the wallet being there. Oh - did I mention I'd neglected to bring the cell phone? So....back to the Caribou. I raced through the door and asked the girl at the counter. She says..."Uh, no, sorry."

I'm like, "OK....so, I'm kind of in a bind here." (remember, I'd stopped in Spring Valley for gas. The Forte was BEYOND empty, here. My situation, had I not opted for the Fuel Economy Package at the time of purchase, I dare not consider). I continued, "I have no gas in my car, no money, and I live in Minneapolis." Of course, she looks at me partly like I'm nuts, and partly in fear of her life. At that point, I turn to head over to the table where I sat. Nothing. Then I look under the chair. Ah! The billfold!

so....backtracking here...because I can hear the "Damn you!" all the way from Methuen, as I type. I won't go into considerable detail here. Only to say that I have been learning a lot about myself through my psychiatric sessions this past Fall, and I am pleased to inform you that - it's not me, it's my brain. I'm hard-wired to lose things. It is what it is. I can work as hard as I possibly can, and then that one time in fifty I will not put something in the place it's supposed to go and - BAM! A combination of attention deficit syndrome, some degree of hyperactivity, and a restless heart is a dangerous combination. Add to that stress and fatigue and - wow - I think I do pretty well considering.

In any event, this was one of those instances where a case could just about be made that my forgetfulness was not entirely at fault. I have this Columbia fleece - a fairly new one that zips into my parka shell. Don't often use it on its own. I always forget that the pockets don't actually have any downward slant to them. They kind of go straight in. There's been times I've jammed my keys in there and stood up, only to have them slide right out onto the floor. Evidently, this principle was at work in the case of the wallet.

So, back out onto the road, now an additional extra hour beyond my already late start time (now, about 8:30 or so) and without the ability to call into T-Clog, I knew it was just a matter of time till he woke up, took stock of the situation, and began to get impatient. I KNEW one of my stops was going to have to be in a small town that still had a pay phone.

And, I did finally take care of that nasty little bit of business in Lime Springs (best town by a dam site), careful to only hint at the overall reason for my tardiness for fear of raising Clog's early and unnecessary scorn without the ability to put everything in context. Then, back on the the road with a little more peace in my heart.

And finally, with no further hassles, into Cedar Falls...