Finally Near the End of the Line

We have finally reached the point where we feel putting Kuña-i down is in her best interests. We have continued to bear this enormous burden of 300 ml subqutaneous fluid injections twice a day (Sharon) and cleaning up poop and/or pee in the kitchen basically every morning after waking up and every night after returning home (me) since the end of summer, in addition to the expense of it all (>$300/month for fluids, boarding, bi-monthly bloodwork). Combining that with multiple rounds of sickness in our family as well as that crazy eight-day power outage and accompanying storm damage recovery has made for a very stressful fall.

And to some, it may seem crazy that we have hung onto this dog that is blind, senile, suffering from total kidney failure, and less than half her body weight of a year ago; like we've hung onto her far beyond what would have been an obvious decision to end it all this last August. Are we among that group of insane pet lovers that would see their own pet suffer rather than make the painful decision to let go? We've wrestled with that question constantly, but have, to this point, always come to the conclusion that we just simply cannot observe any obvious signs of suffering. Her quality of life has definitely been diminished-and it's been hard for us to watch this lovable, energetic creature become a slow-moving, "lost" thing that is generally unresponsive to our affection. A "sight hound" (that once could race at 35 mph and catch a rabbit on a dead run) that can no longer see or run? A cruel irony; but dogs (and people) do not generally get the dignity of going out gracefully. Through lack of protein intake (she's barely eating), her muscles have deteriorated to the point that she is beginning to have a lot of trouble going down the steps to the back landing, and sometimes quivers a bit while standing. She also has no bulk left to protect her from the winter air. And it is the beginnings of this actual, verifiable discomfort that has finally pushed us to make the difficult call. It feeds into the equation that we would like to preserve some amount of her dignity (before she gets to the point of doing things like defacating in her own bed), as well as (whether we wish to think this is part of the equation or not) the fact that we just can't keep this up and retain our sanity.

It also might seem kind of crazy that we're doing this just days before Christmas, but we are faced with either doing that, or putting her into boarding for three days, which we're not sure she could survive. I am hoping some of the fellowship and warmth following holiday season can help us to remember her better years. God, it's been getting harder and harder to do that, the more we have been living with this miserable, pitiful thing that was once so vital, strong, and joyful.

So, the vet will be visiting tomorrow at 11 am, and administer an injection at our home, so she can die peacefully in our company (also another reason to plan this rather than have her unexpectedly suffer and die alone). Not sure whether I will come back in after that. Sharon's going to take the entire day off-I'm leaning towards doing that, as well. In any event, look for the Kuña-i "My Girl" slide show commemoration to go out at some point tomorrow.