Zephyr Update

As I look back over my general thoughts on moving in the past few months, I think I can see that the desire I feel to make a change from my current living situation has made any given option, at any given time, seem particularly appealing; and has, to a great extent, led to my wavering and indecisiveness. Every time I think of those pockets Minneapolis in which we could be happy (Linden Hills, Bryn Mawr-provided we could ever actually afford houses in those areas), or those elements about living in the city that I like (progressiveness, diversity, arts, abundance of coffee shops, etc.), the pendulum has always swung back in the direction of staying in Minneapolis. But what I'm really trying to internalize is that it's not like it's a choice between black and white/good and bad. The reality is that we could be happy in any one of a number of different directions we choose to take our lives-so theoretically, our choice is between good or better. Another way to look at it is that we're giving up things, either way we go. The issue really becomes about quality of life. So what are those qualities which most make up my quality of life?

In many ways-the way in which the connectedness to nature and the community in which we would live-Zephyr would be very conducive to the type of self-exploration, indulgement in personal pursuits (reading, writing, music) of which I am fond. I certainly indulge in them now-but I always feel that there is a tension between my attempts to gain a peaceful state of mind and the constant buzz & hectic nature of living in the city. Certainly, there are some places better than others here in Minneapolis, and perhaps I'm not in the best spot I could be now. But people and density is pretty much a constant. Great park system notwithstanding, you gotta really travel to get out of the city.

Health-a more recent, but rapidly ascending priority. I visit I just had (20 minutes ago) with my doctor more or less affirmed my suspicion that it is the smog and the particulates in the city air that has been slowly eroding my respiratory system over the past 12 years-especially considering my tendency to embark upon distance runs from time to time. The prospect of Lucy growing up as an athsmatic child makes an unbelievable case for moving out of the city. There may be a time in the future "whole cost" issues carry more weight in our political world, consumption & waste subside a bit, and where the true welfare of individuals takes precedence over the ability of companies to make profit, but until then our big cities are just killing us. Literally.

Living in my current house/current neighborhood is not an option. I've been saying that for awhile and-interesting-I've always been sort of a karmic person. Not sure I could articulate what the "rules" are in this worldview of mine, but it's kind of an "I know it when I see it," and I've felt like this whole last month & a half, with the storm damage and the family-wide sicknesses is that we are just living in a house that is, and will continue to be, bad karma until we leave it. So, the reality of staying in the cities: we move to a better house/neighborhood. This will either require Sharon to work full time, or me to get a raise and continue to climb the corporate ladder at Big Buy. And, honestly, I'd like to think the latter is not an option. At least, in the long-term. But there's simply no means by which I could currently make a lateral move and be paid in the realm where I currently am. Yet our expenses continue to rise, year by year. The move to Zephyr could be considered risky, though when I consider investing in a house that costs $220,000 or some insane amount like that (a little below the median in the Twin Cities)-I think the idea of Sharon & I having to maintain a combination of jobs that allow us to make payments on that mortgage to be a pretty damned risky one.

Back to karma. As I've said, the older I get, the more obvious it is that "crowds of my sort are smaller, and more scattered." I go from a neighborhood where I don't fit in, to a job where I don't fit in, to a number of public places where I don't fit in. Outside the walls of my house and a couple of neighborhood pockets (coffee shop, theater), I don't find very much fellowship. And THAT is killing me, to a point. Zephyr is my crowd. And, to a lesser extent, so is Winona (a 20,000 town with a co-op). The fact that I've talked about living in the country for years and that this opportunity is there. How perfect & idyllic the land, there. The fact that, among the 17 adults currently there, three are returned Peace Corps Volunteers (like Sharon). The fact that Sharon has actually talked about a desire to work on an organic farm, and there is one at Zephyr. Cory said it well: "It sounds like the Shire." I say it's like the Shire mixed with Rivendell. Good lord, if God has given me the last month to punish Sharon & me for being saps (as I have suggested), then surely he is placing this feast before us and pushing our chairs up to the table while whispering "eat...eat..."