A Bittersweet Weekend

So, as you have probably heard (since there are only two of you), Kuña-i was diagnosed on Friday with chronic kidney failure. Left untreated, she would die within a week; and with expensive, intensive treatment we could slow her descent for a month or two. Unless we have a change of plans following a visit to the vet today, we will be giving her fluids intravenously and making her as comfortable as possible until Thursday morning, when we are planning to have her put to sleep.

Although there's a lot of second-guessing and feelings of guilt, I'm pretty sure that I don't want to extend a period of watching her grow more listless and less responsive, constantly wondering & worrying whether or not she is suffering. She's pretty subdued right now, but she can get up and get around, doesn't seem to give an indication she is in pain, and is somewhat interested in what's going on around her. I'd really like her to be as much like herself as possible at the end-and I think the likelihood of that being the case diminishes the longer we wait.

This weekend, we canceled a few plans we had (though we went out for coffee both mornings-we just needed to recharge) and spent a lot of time around the house. We gave her a lot of attention and put a lot of time into a project where we are scanning all our favorite pictures of her through the years for an eventual online slideshow tribute, the link of which we will probably be sending out Thursday sometime (Sharon & I are taking off that day after sending Lucy to school). But the bittersweet highlight of the weekend was a trip out to "Lazy Lump Hill"-an odd, flat-topped field/park about a block from the house in Crystal, where we lived when first married. We used to picnic there on occasion and let Kuña-i run off some energy (once upon a time a 30+ mph runner, she once caught & dispatched a rabbit there at a dead run). Saturday evening the weather was perfect and our family went out for a last picinc. We just let Kuña-i wander around & she seemed to really enjoy sniffing about (old familiar & interesting smells, I hope). It was there where I first lost it-but I'm a guy for whom these sorts of cathartic moments are necessary. I'll probably have another one or two before Thursday, and maybe be ready to move on by the end of the week, when I am expected to head to Terre Haute for a weekender.