I'm dropping out of school.
Leaning strongly towards it, anyway. This last summer, when I had a sudden "scare" that my company would no longer cover the tuition costs, I was kind of surprised how free and happy the idea of quitting my program made me feel.
The main reason this has cropped up again in my mind is that I am increasingly aware that I am not as motivated in my studies as I was hoping I would be, going back to pursue this grad degree at my Advanced Age. A lot of that comes from many aspects of the program not meeting my expectation. I am finding that the roots of the professors (and, thus, the curriculum) at a research grant institution run deep, and there is a tremendous amount of focus on "peer-researched" academic studies, most of which I do not see directly benefitting the knowledge base I need in my career. Obviously, I understand that part of the program is to teach us to think critically and conceptually. But the MGIS program is a professional program, and I find that as I continue to study that which has little practical application, I get more and more of a sense I am wasting my time. The most glaring example of this is how, upon receiving my syllabus for next semseter (just yesterday), I see that I will be required to write a research proposal. This would be my 4th out of 4 classes so far that require that exact item. The notice I would once again have to dive into academic journals and manufacture an interest in a study area I will never touch after my college career nearly sent me reeling. Thinking about a class you are about to take should not fill you with dread.
Other main considerations are the constant pull of the need to study against the considerations of my family; in particular, Lucy, whose rapid growth and development puts me at risk of not being the father I want to be throughout her earliest years. There are so many things I long to do all those evenings and weekends when the pull of class or studies puts me out of commission. Generally hanging out with Lucy and Sharon; actually enjoying the two most exciting seasons in Minnesota (fall & spring--when I am currently in class); my various music projects; and home improvement, which continues to sit on the backburner.
Many other things swirling around and playing into the decision, but those are the top ones.
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3 comments:
Wow! Are you thinking about it, or have you decided already? You have to do what is right for you and your family. Now I will counterdict myself. Do you think that you would go back in a few years when Lucy is older? Will the classes and time away from Lucy already be counted as a waste if you quit? How much is left? Can you just get through it? I think if you finish what you started, you would feel that the time away from the family is justified and you will have your masters degree to find a better job, or at least make more money. Do you have to get A's in grad school? I thought that you just had to get B's. Do work that is just good enough and spend more time with the family. Once again back to my first thoughts...you have to do what is best for you and your family. Just think about it some more before you drop out.
I'll answer all those questions:
I have sort of decided, pending bouncing it off my various sounding boards (like you guys, talking with my advisor, etc.) I do not expect I would go back to finish this program, though I could certainly consider taking an appropriate class here or there, and doing some studying of technology on my own. Yes, time and classes already away from Lucy would be counted as some degree of waste, though not entirely, as there are some things I have learned. But what can I do? Finishing for finishing's sake alone is not logical to me. Plus who knows--maybe I can put "11 credits from graduate degree program" on my resume in some way. I'd be happy discuss choosing my family over finishing my degree with an interviewer. 3 1/2 years are still left, after my final on Dec. 21st. I COULD just get through it, sure, but that's what the whole issue is. At what cost? My body and mind could do it, my heart just can't/ They whole idea of getting the degree to get a better job or, in your words, "make more money"--thinking about it in those terms makes me more resolute than ever. You (as an educator) of all people understand how you can choose to make decisions based on how much money you can get out of it, or how much you're going to be happy with yourself in the process. I preach the latter, and so I feel like I need to live it. I just have to get Bs, but not striving to get A's--I can't do that. I'm not perfect in always doing my whole reading assignments & so on, but I'd like to think that I take the honorable way out by trying to get the most out of my education I can. Part of what's killing me is that I feel this program has taken this willingness of me to do what I need to do and used it against me by assigning me a lot of non-relevant "busy work." I feel betrayed. I will definitely do more thinking about it. This morning, I'm meeting with my boss, who is actually on the advisory board for the program. He's been aware of my concerns for the last year or so and today I'm going to tell him about my decision.
Brother, I just wanted to make sure that you thought of everything and it appears that you have. I will supprot your decision 100%. I would never ask you to do something to just do it if you knew it was wrong. Just wanted you to think of that and then answer it from your heart. You have been speaking from your heart today in all of your posts. Family is number one! Lucy will love to have you home to play with. You are a great daddy!
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