In My Mind, I'm Already There

Well, possibly one of the most life-changing weekends of my life. As many of my readers might be aware (and ohhhh, do I have readers), Sharon & I have been looking into cohousing for some time-actually, since Sharon brought the notion back from her time in the Peace Corps-but we have only started seriously exploring the subject in the past few months. Coupled with that is the feeling that we have had of "we're not city people." In recent times, we've started to feel like there are certain things (the whole "cultural elite" deal) about the big city that we would really miss, but the fact is that our spirits really do hunger for living in wide, open spaces with nature (or at least the countryside) at our doorstep.

Anyway, this weekend, we went down to visit a place in Southeast Minnesota (about 15-20 miles southwest of Winona), called Zephyr Valley. A group of 7 families that cooperatively own 500 acres, 40 of which are operated as an organic farm and the rest of which are natural areas. Reading I had done on the place made it seem too good to be true-beautiful, rolling, forested hills, and a group of people that seemed, at least philosophically, on a similar page as us. Of course, having fears of the whole thing being a Kool Aid-drinking cult was unavoidable, but upon visiting, we found that, if anything, the stuff we had read had undersold the place.

Our experience there was amazing-almost too much to try to convey in a post like this; but the nuts & bolts are that, upon seeing the valley & meeting the people, we were both having the feeling that this is (as is everyman's dream) the type of place were we would like to have the house that we someday die in. Anyway, they are (through a lengthy-sort of "getting to know you" process) interested in adding a few new families, and seemed excited about Lucy-who would be only one of two kids under nine (one of the very few drawbacks). They'd like to really kind of get a new generation going there. Hopefully, there would be other parents of toddlers that would look into the area as well.

Job? Yeah, reality sets in. More than likely, I'd be working in Winona. I've actually applied for a City Planner position already, but unless that worked out (which is probably not extremely likely), I'd have to get into a position where I'm making a similar amount to what I am now, or else Sharon would have to rethink her part-time work status.

A lot of other things to consider-how much will it cost to construct our "dream home" (which, I can tell you, would be a heckuva lot cheaper than most people's dream home), and how much will our Mpls house's equity help out there. What will it take to live on in that area? Daycare? All sort of things like that. But I do believe that if you follow your heart, things will sort themselves out. Now, if we can just have the guts to walk the walk...

(oh, and for reference)
http://directory.ic.org/records/?action=view&page=view&record_id=2150

Man, Tea Sucks!

Today I am drinking herbal tea, in an attempt to cut down on coffee consumption. The jury is still out somewhat, though my initial leanings are hidden somewhere within this post.

In Celebration of Cory

Just wanted to take the opportunity to honor another friend.

Much ado has been made over Cory's history of overcoming certain obstacles from his youth, and I will not go into that in this forum, except to say I commend not only this whole "first in a line of Levenduskies" set of accomplishments, but also his focus and abililty to lock in and just do something. This is an especially interesting trait, as it runs counter to the main gist of my Celebration, which is as follows:

Philosophers and great writers have had an endless discussion about approaching life with a "childlike perspective." The ability to laugh often, love deeply, and not get bogged down by the devil in the details of life. Some people spend their entire lives in search of it. It seems to me that Cory has this blessing innately, and in abundance. I think it influences nearly everything he does and, like fine wine and some kinds of cheeses, gets better with age. As people I've known have grown and tempered themselves and/or withered while getting older, Cory is Cory. Perhaps not always calling me "in my best venue," but a breath of fresh air, relative to whatever stresses I am facing on any given day.

He is like the Human Cup of Coffee. He'll wake you up, shake you up, and make you feel like cracking jokes. He'll make you forget you're trying to figure out how much to put into your 401K and make you answer who the Vikings should draft. He'll make you forget you're going to your wife's cousin's wedding and make you pretend to get shot by an arrow through the guts. He'll make you pour the Campari out and grab a bottle of beer.

It is the Childlike Perspective and it is great. It was the subject of Gibbons' "Cory Goodboy: The Man," and it makes all the sense in the world. In college, before it was harnessed, it was scary at times. But now it is understood and ridden with skill, like a good horse. It laughs, loves, understands, and shares of itself. Only a man who invites people to look inside him and take a piece will end up with the number of nicknames of Cory: Cory Goodboy, Paco, Johnny Seedcorn, Body Beautiful, The Balleen Bringer, Dog Balls, Butter, The Bear, The Mad Russian...I know I'm forgetting a few. Anyway...rock on, young fella!

Oh, yeah, and let's not forget his basketball skills! Ol' boy has got a MEAN crossover!!!

Auto-Pause Set to Round

So, in pursuit of recreation, I finished up Icewind Dale: Heart of Winter last night. Fun to hear all the guys & their witty vocalizations once again. Anyway, I was having some trouble with the final battle (vs. an ancient dragon plus numerous henchmen), when I went into Game Options and switched to an Auto-Pause at the end of each round. Suddenly, the battle was a breeze!

loki

I have, throughout my life, taken on way WAY too much. Always busy with a number of endeavors, with another number of concepts just "out there" into which I have just not actually launched. Ideas flow easily for me, but follow-through not quite so much so. The process is cyclical-the workload and stress builds up and builds up until it explodes and I have a couple days in a row where I'm depressed and pretty much paralyzed into inaction. Then it starts over again.

Anyway, this last time I think the stresses and pressures built up for longer than ever before-duties to school & Lucy, among other things, not allowing me time for the normal crash. It happened finally, though, not long after pulling out of school. And I've actually been in the funk ever since-at least a month. Finally, Sharon advised me to take a month of pure recreation (beyond the usual rigors of parenting, staying on top of finances, housecleaning & so on). No personal projects. No feelings of obligation. More Baldur's Gate. More movie watching. More noodling around on guitar. More excercise. More sitting around in the Lotus position, sipping hot chocolate and reading the City Pages cover to cover. I'm three days in and so far so good. We'll see if I can come out of the month recharged.

I'm not a Red Football

Well, contrary to perhaps common belief, things are not on autopilot at my job. Not sure if I give much of an impression of my job satisfaction other than this vague notion that I have an uneasy truce with "the man" until I feel I am ready to strike out into a more personally satisfying venture. Truth of the matter is that, in terms of my day-to-day activities, I actually enjoy working with maps & data (regardless of how lame that sounds). I am relatively well-taken care of (certainly in comparison to past jobs), and have about as much job security as one can reasonably expect from a large company in this day and age.

But I just had this incident occur which has pissed me off beyond belief. I've been seeking a promotion over the past year, but constantly getting the runaround from my boss. Meanwhile, two co-workers that are basically in a similar position as me (albeit with a different direct supervisor) just were promoted.

The maddening thing is that not only haven't I gotten a similar promotion, but I have been unable to even get me a concrete answer as to what would be expected of me if I want to get to "the next level," whatever the hell that would be. There's a lot of other little bogus things surrounding the situation, such as the fact that I've taken on most of the work of a guy that left the company a few months ago and have been putting in (for me) a decent amount of overtime, and that I feel a lot of work I do isn't recognized by my higher-ups because it's done in partnerships with other groups-something that others in my team don't really do. But I guess thing I really can't get is how I've been unable to get any kind of straight answer from my boss for such a long time, and then how, suddenly, these two other guys are moved ahead. I would suspect that maybe I'm not doing that great of a job after all, but I've always gotten good reviews and in every review period I make it a point to ask my boss what he thinks I can improve on.

I'm befuddled, but for the first time since working here (especially in light of my recent drop out of grad-school) , I'm seriously re-evaluating whether this is where I should be working, even in the short term. I won't do anything rash or stupid, but the only conclusion I can draw from this whole weird situation is that, somehow, this whole idea that I'm on a different wavelength than everyone else around here has manifested itself as a barrier to my advancement. That would be crazy. Crazy bad.

Anyway, I will be talking to my boss today and raising the issues point-blank. Not sure what he can possibly say that will remedy this situation, other than to promote me on the spot. I'll be sure to follow-up and post what happened, though.

Fill it To the Rim

I was just thinking, on the way into work, that this had to be about the dumbest fucking catchphrase in the history of advertising. What, exactly, were the Brim people trying to say? That other coffees were incapable of filling your mug? Or just that drinking their coffee made you pee an extraordinary amount? Perhaps their nasty, sludgy brew was in no danger of spilling. Sheesh. Plus, the whole thing just screams: "We named our company to rhyme with our slogan."

Any other ill-advised or plain unexplainable ad campaigns out there?

I guess Barq's Bites comes to mind...

The Journey's End?

So, my spiritual journey has gone from Christianity to Deism to now something like a vague sort of Theism while acknowledging I have a Christian heritage (e.g. celebration of Christmas & Easter & so on). With this heritage still having some roots in Sharon & me, we have been struggling with a few notions of church. Still feeling like we should be a part of some sort of larger, "faith"-based community, or experiencing fellowship with a group of similar souls on a regular basis. We also still have this urge to have some sort of formal ceremony of dedication for Lucy.

Anyway, we had been meaning to visit this Minneapolis Unitarian church for some time, and finally got around to it on Sunday. In reading their literature and witnessing the proceedings, it was evident this was very much a group of similar souls. People who wished to come together with a common vision of hope, and explore their spirituality with honesty & reason, seeking justice in the world and an ethically-informed worldview. In fact, upon leaving the place I remarked to Sharon that, from a religion standpoint, all the people there were almost toally in line with me, except for just one thing.

You see, they don't hate going to church.

Another Round, Harv!

As promised (to T-Clog), some details about my own grandparents that I learnt fairly recently & have not related (to him, anyway).

In talking with with dad after the death of my grandma this last summer, I found out some things I had never known before that were pretty wild. My granddad ran afoul of the Southern Methodists in Kansas.

It was post-prohibition, but smack dab in the middle of the Great Depression's dust bowl. My grandparents were so poor at the time that my grandad, who was running a gas station at the time, had to fur-trap all night, driving my dad (who was around 5 at the time) & grandma around and checking the traps one by one, in order to eke out a living. He also applied for and received the first liquor license in Kansas, and began to operate a profitible and popular beer parlor, while running a bookie business on the side. Aside from the "first liquor license" part, all this I knew. But what I didn't know previously was how this business got them shunned, disapproved-of, and basically booted out of the church community. You can imagine how important of a role churches played in the goings-on of various communities in those years, especially in that part of the country. My grandma, who I never thought of as involved in particularly strenuous philosophical examinations of herself, had always been curiously secular in her lifestyle. I had always wondered why, and now all the pieces fit together. My dad explained how she sort of took on an "I don't want to belong to a church that doesn't want me to feed my child" sort of attitude, and she carried it to her death, which (perhaps standing nearly alone amidst 90+year-olds' burials in Kansas), had no funeral service.

Save the Child!!!

Here is a topic to which T-Clog can relate, Aaron WILL be able to relate, and Mixdorf can maybe just understand. It is the topic of falling with your baby in your arms. It has happened only twice that I can really recall, and in both cases Lucy was safe at the expense of my own safety.

The first time, when she was no more than six months, I slipped and fell from a top stair and actually slid on my back, head-first, down half the flight of (wooden) stairs, yet somehow managed to keep the little girl upright and out of harm's way. Sharon heard the crash from the other room and freaked until she found The Precious was unscathed.

The second time was actually yesterday. Sharon & Lucy came down to visit me at work and take me out for a coffee break. We went to Betsy' Back Porch (the site of the Camden Garden release party). While carrying little Loo, I failed to notice a dropoff of three concrete steps. I stepped out into midair, then crashed my knee down into a concrete side rail at the level of the top step. The force of this fall was so great that it tore a God Damned hole in my work pants. Do you understand me? They did not rip from something cutting across sideways or pressure tearing from either side. The simple act of my knee slamming into the concrete ripped these pants open. Lucy unharmed, of course, again. I had to hand Lucy delicately to Sharon while I had the expression on my face that looked like I had a mouth full of Curly-leaf Pondweed (potamogeton crispus). Both were distressed at my condition, but what could I do?

I have often said, when either of them is in any kind of physical discomfort, that I would take the pain for them if I could. Perhaps in these instances, I did.

That's It, I'm Out

Just talked to my advisor and shot a note off to the assistant director of the MGIS program. I am out of grad. school. The reasons to withdraw remained & if anything got more compelling over my two months off. My jets were totally not recharged and I was dreading the prospect of launching into studies again. It's sad, because I put a lot of work into the program to get this far. But mostly sad only for that reason. I guess my ego will miss out on not having that status symbol and, certainly, the grad degree would have made me more employable. But that's with all things being even. I honestly think I can prepare myself with a better and more real-world applicable skill set by spending time working on it OUTSIDE program. So who's to say which makes me more "employable?"

Cry. CRY FOR MICHAEL JACKSON!

I think pretty much everyone I run with knows I am a crier. Such is the way with one who does not stuff his emotions in a bottle. Anyway, I had a funny one this morning. Funny but not funny. I was listening to Michael Jackson from the early to mid 70s. His voice-so amazing, so beautiful. Then, I thought about where he is now & what he's become. Tears.

I'd say, for pure preposterous crying circumstances, that ranks #2 right behind the time I teared up during an episode of "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" where Will tries drugs for the first time. Can't think of too many other things right now. Anyone else care to feel secure enough in their masculinity to add some of their own preposterous circumstances? Can you knock off the reigning #1?

1. Fresh Prince "episode."
2. Early 70s Michael Jackson.
trying to think of more...

My "Signature Themes"

So, about a year ago, I announce my five "Signature Themes," according to a Gallup-devised exercise we did here at my work. Since then, they have unveiled my entire strength-to-weakness spectrum of 34 signature themes. In other words, stuff at the bottom (the higher numbers) are theoretically my weaknesses. There was kind of a weird situation in answering the questions where I wasn't sure whether I should respond as work-Dan or outside work-Dan, but I leaned towards the latter. Any thoughts or comments?


1. Input
2. Connectedness
3. Command
4. Activator
5. Intellection
6. Developer
7. Relator
8. Empathy
9. Ideation
10. Communication
11. Positivity
12. Belief
13. Achiever
14. Responsibility
15. Maximizer
16. Focus
17. Adaptability
18. Self-Assurance
19. Consistency
20. Learner
21. Competition
22. Futuristic
23. Arranger
24. Discipline
25. Context
26. Deliberative
27. Significance
28. Individualization
29. Analytical
30. Harmony
31. Restorative
32. Includer
33. Woo
34. Strategic

McCartpilation.com

http://www.geocities.com/hylton44/mccartpilation.doc for the liner notes, by the way, for anyone who received a copy. Hope you are enjoying it-I would welcome any comments.

Further Evidence of Cultural Elitification, Or am I Just Becoming More Urban?

Tough to say, though it's hard to believe that I'm the same guy that, within the past 5 years, would have said something about not needing to live in a big city because all the things I need in life can be had in an out-state or rural location. While that's techinically true (and, indeed, a lot of my interests: being active, music recording, reading, movie watching, computer-related stuff) are things that can be done pretty much anywhere-especially in the digital age, I have sure found myself assimilating more and more into the urban lifestyle in recent years.

Certainly, I must give Minneapolis credit as just a fantastic big city. So many things to explore, so many things offered, from arts to the parks to dining & entertainment (listen to me, I sound like an article from AAA's Home & Away magazine--but it's true!). In addition to being more comfortable living around loads of people with a political alignment more or less on the same planet as mine, Sharon & I have been taking part in more of these big-city offerings in recent times. It's easy to forget that even some outdoorsy things, such as biking and running, can in some ways be almost better in the big city, if the trail system is nice enough (which it totally is in the Twin Cities). But, if you don't mind spending just a little money, the entertainment you can seek out around town is really only supassed by some of the super-cities (LA, NY, Chicago), and I'll wager the Twin Cities is a lot easier on the pocketbook.

We had the opportunity to go on a date Sat. night (Aaron's already heard this story, more or less, but I'll go on anyway). Lucy was coming off a double-ear infection and we had basically been living in a madhouse for the last week or so. As a result, there was no planning done for this up until about an hour before we headed out. We were actually considering just dragging the TV & DVD player upstairs and doing the date that way, but we were both a bit stir crazy and just wanted to get out, sans-little girl, so we could give each other undivided attention in a public setting for a change.

I happened to remember a Dunn Bros. (local coffee house chain) location in downtown Minneapolis, kind of in the warehouse district, called The Freight House. Pat & Dan had considered doing our release party there-not sure why we eventually decided against it. Anyway, their calendar indicated they had a jazz-trio playing. Now, I've never been a huge jazz guy, but I've always attributed it to me simply not getting it, rather than there being anything flawed with the style. And I've really always sort of wanted to see a jazz trio or quartet play live, thinking that it might be just the thing to kick-start my appreciation of this uniquely American art form. Oh yeah, and since this place was on 3rd Ave, which is bascially just Nordeast's Central Ave once it crosses the river into downtown, we decided we'd eat at a place on Central Ave in this mini-sort of hspanic district.

Eschewing something totally adventuruos, we went to a place we had eaten at before, Chiapas, and the food was outstanding and reasonably-priced (sub $25, which included a huge appetizer and a drink apiece). You can tell really a authentic Mexican place because the food is inexpensive and the decorations are garish and almost campy. Anyway, really good food. The evening was heating up (-10 degree temp aside), and we headed on to The Freight House.

Coming upon the river from the North (northeast) side, a suspicion I have had for some time was totally confirmed. That area, which once upon a time contained a really shitty Red Owl (grocery store) and was the site of gunshots that scared the begeezus out of a certain fresh-faced Iowa kid on his first late-night bus trip home from Greenpeace (let me know if you want that story again), was now all revitalized, dolled up, and happening. Riverfront property, I'll tell you. It is now all condominiums and bistros.

Anyway, we crossed the river and, only about a block from The Freight House, found a bank of empty meters (free after 6 in Minneapolis), and parked. A brisk (and I mean brisk) one-block walk, and we were there. Good coffee and a cookie each, and we headed up to the upper level, where the trio was just getting underway. OK, here's the punchline. It was SMOOTH JAZZ.

We still had a really nice time together and some good conversation, but the crack was made that, rather than listening to live music, our evening was more akin to calling Three Rivers Park District on a speakerphone and getting put on hold.

Monday Luther King (MLK)

Stinkin’ 11 below zero this morning, coming into work. I had the car parked in front of my house last night, rather than in the garage. By the time I scraped the frost off all the windows, my fingers were in pain. For the first half of my drive into work, I pulled my fingers out of their individual glove fingers, and just made a fist, hoping that, like freezing companions in a snowy woods, huddling them together for warmth would do the trick.

Well, I'm Officially in Training

Literary Notables

I think the compilation of Naughty Poems was really the "semenal" moment in Pat Gibbons' writing career. Thoughts?

The Sinking of the Whaleship Essex

Anyone ever read about this (especially anyone out Nantucket way)?

I'm kind of a sucker for human survival stories, and this one is a doozy. The sinking of this whaleboat, about a thousand miles to the northwest of Easter Island, by an enraged sperm whale captivated the Western World in the early 1800s. I just happened across the book (pretty much the definitive version of the story, based on research of two first-hand accounts) at a church's garage sale and decided to give it a shot. Not the most well-written book I've ever gone through, but without a doubt one of the most engaging tales.

I would in particular invite Gibbs to read through this (and any other book in which old mariners go through near-limitless forms of hell on earth), as I've always suspected his love for the sea and sailing was based purely on "Voyage of the Dawn Treader" and, to put it mildly, there's definitely a darker side to the subject.

It Was the Best of Times, it Was the Worst of Times....

Message, Spock? None, perhaps, except "Happy Birthday;" surely, the 'best of times.'

Indeed, a birthday today, my 34th. Most of the celebration was actually Sunday night, where Sharon surprised me with Star Trek (the original series) Season 2. My girl is officially hooked: you don't buy someone 27 episodes of Star Trek without wanting to see a few of them yourself. Other nice birthday gifts: $30 in Best Buy gift cards from Sharon's parents (which I intend to spend today on The Simpsons Season 2), and a coffee grinder from Sharon's sister, Amy. Her family is always very kind & generous with me for Christmas and my birthday, which is nice since my own family is downright famous for its disappointing history of gift-giving.

On Sunday, I also got Sharon's stupendous homemade mac n' cheese, although she stoutly refused to replicate last year's menu, when she offered to make me a meal of my choice and I requested the same mac n' cheese, stuffing, and bread pudding. We were walking around with so much starch in us it was stiffening our shirts for a week.